A Lady in Waiting
By Deborah Teat

“What? You don’t date? Gimme a break! How do you expect to get married then?”

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard or read this response when someone says they believe in courtship. The very idea of not dating is ludicrous to most of society. We don’t like the idea of waiting. We want it now. We want it our way.

But is our way God’s way?

My own journey toward the answer of this question began when I was thirteen. Though I had never dated, I always assumed once I was old enough to get married, I would start dating. But God started “re-wiring” my thinking. I started to see things very differently.

I used to think of dating as simply two people going out alone with each other. But it isn’t. It’s much more. Dating is a philosophy, a mindset, if you will, that says “buy now, pay later.” It says we don’t really have to seek God for direction. It doesn’t matter if I’m ready for commitment. I can follow my heart, and “play” at marriage until I “feel” ready.

Dating often takes away from the authority of the father. There was a time when a young man asked permission from the father to see his daughter. However, typical dating excludes that. It puts daughters in vulnerable situations. God gave fathers authority as a protection for the daughters, but the father, instead of being the first to know of the young man’s intentions, is often the last.

Is this God’s way?

God began to "re-wire" my thinking through various books and videos on the subject of courtship. I started to see that even though people say “Oh, but you can ask God about who to date,” typical dating, by its very nature, takes the focus off God, and puts it on feelings. It puts couples in compromising circumstances, where is it easy to justify anything. It allows couples to become emotionally involved, without knowing where the relationship is headed. You give your heart (and body in some cases) to so many people, and soon you have little or nothing left for the person you will marry.

I believe that God has a better way.

I believe that if I wait for His timing, He will give me what is best for me.

Some people may say I’m a radical for choosing not to date.

But in the end, it’s not what others think that matters the most to me.

God’s viewpoint is more important.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

If I believe God is in control, that belief needs to reflect every area of my life, including relationships. If I really believe that He is omnipotent, I need to show it. But does waiting on God mean I just sit back, and twiddle my thumbs until God brings along the person I am to marry? No. I don’t believe God wants me to “sit back and twiddle my thumbs.”

“………..He that is unmarried careth for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32b

“……..the unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in both mind and spirit; but she is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” 1Corinthians 7:35b

Our single years are a gift God gives us to use for Him and to prepare for the marriage He may someday give us. When we are married, we focus on our spouse, and the responsibilities we have in marriage. This doesn’t mean we can’t serve God when we are married, but we no longer have the same kind of time we have when we are single. Many Christian singles are so involved with relationship after relationship that they miss the blessings of giving God their time.

I had a unique and wonderful opportunity to help in the nursery of the Ladies’ Bible Study in my church. I learned so much about caring for kids through the lady I worked with. I’ve helped with weddings, church functions, dramas, musical productions, and many other things. If I had been focused on a relationship, I would have missed many important lessons. People who say “Oh, it doesn’t really matter how you find the right spouse, as long as you find them” are missing a big part of the picture. The ends do not justify the means. God isn’t concerned with just the destination. He’s concerned about the journey. He wants us to focus on Him.

But how do we make it through this journey?

I believe these are some keys:

1. Trust
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

One of the difficulties and rewards of waiting on God is learning to trust Him. It takes faith to believe that God knows the path I take, and He wants what’s best for me. I can’t look at someone else’s life and say, “God, why do they have it, and I don’t?” I don’t live their life. God gives me what He knows is best for me, not them.

2. Contentment
“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content.” -Philippians 4:11

When we think, “Oh if only I had this or that, then I’d be content,” we don’t realize that contentment is a choice, an attitude that we choose. It is saying “I will willingly take what God gives me today as enough for me, and let Him decide what He will give me tomorrow.” If I’m not content when I’m single, I won’t be content when I’m married.

3. Focus
"Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for He shall pluck my feet from the net.” -Psalm 25:15

You can’t focus on two things at once. As long as our focus is on Jesus, “the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and Grace.” When Christ called Peter to climb out of the boat, and walk toward Him on the water, he was safe as long as his eyes were on Christ. Once he looked at his surroundings, and the storms that lashed out in every direction, Peter began sinking down into the water. When we take our eyes off Jesus, and put them on the trials and storms of life that surround us, we start sinking down into despair and discouragement.

“Be Thou my Vision O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought by day or by night.
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”

Waiting on God is a daily journey. Even after I’m married, I will still be on that journey, because learning to trust God is a lifelong process.

So why do I not date?

Because I believe God has something far better in store for me.
And until He chooses to give it to me, I will be

“A Lady In Waiting.”