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OKDeanna's Passions Fan Fiction Forum > Kay & Reese Stories > Heart To Heart |
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Subject:
 Heart To HeartPosted By: OKDeanna - ezOP Posts: 289 Posted At: (8/18/03 7:53 pm) Reply |
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HEART TO HEART Written by: Deanna S. (OKDeanna) Email: okdeanna@yahoo.com Date of creation: August 30th, 2002 Glasses may shield my eyes But they do not blind my sight I can still see you Even when you try to hide ----© 2002, Deanna S. She'd done it. She'd finally done it. After over two years of burying her feelings and pain, Kay Bennett finally found the courage to confront her mother. To confront her and let her know exactly how she felt about her lack of motherly affection. It felt good. Real good. But if it felt so good, why was she crying? And why did she feel as if her heart were breaking? As if she herself had just ripped it from her chest, shattering it into a million, tiny, little pieces? She should be elated. She should be free. But she wasn't. She wasn't either of those things. Instead, she was completely and utterly ashamed. She'd not only verbally attacked her mother, but she'd actually raised her hand and struck her too. Even now, minutes later, she could still feel the sting in her hand from where it connected against her mother's cheek. She wouldn't be surprised if her hand were still red, as if the slap had somehow backfired and branded her hand instead of her mother's cheek. More tears pricked her eyes, but she quickly blinked them back. She hated to cry. Crying was for the weak and she wasn't weak. She was tough. Tough and strong and…feeling guilty as hell. Pushing her way through the trees and bushes that led into the secluded clearing of Lighthouse Park, Kay fought to maintain her composure. As soon as she entered the clearing though, she lost the battle she'd been fighting since she walked out of the house over fifteen minutes ago and let the onslaught of tears fall. After collapsing onto one of three empty white-stone benches, Kay lifted her shaking hands and buried her face between them. If she hadn't been going to hell before, she sure would be now. Of that, she was certain. And for what? To prove a point? To make her mother feel the pain she felt all those times her mother doted on Charity? All the times her mother said she wished she were more like Charity? That she wished Charity was her daughter? It was hardly worth it. And besides, how could she blame her for wanting Charity to be her daughter? Everyone loved Charity. Miguel. Jessica. Dad. Simone. Reese. Everyone loved Charity and loathed her. If they didn't, they would soon. As soon as they found out what she had done…to her mother…to Charity…to Miguel…they wouldn't just loathe her, they would hate her. Hate her and probably wish she'd never been born. And they'd be right. After all, what had she ever done? Nothing. Nothing but bring evil to Harmony and cause her own house to be sucked into hell. Nothing but almost kill her own cousin and sleep with her boyfriend while she was frozen in a block of ice, dying of a slow, painful death. Nothing but sell her soul to the devil in order to get a guy that would never love her. Nothing but— Her thoughts were cut off by a sudden brusque, thrashing in the trees and bushes not far from where she sat. In the next instant, a familiar voice penetrated the air and then the face of the one person in the world she'd just as soon avoid right now came into view…"Reese." As his eyes landed on the girl who owned his heart, and her tear-streaked face registered in his brain, Reese Durkee froze, completely unsure of what to do next. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Kay cry. Had he ever seen her cry? Really cry? He doubted it. Kay didn't give into vulnerability often and when she did, he doubted anyone saw her do it. She prided herself on her strength, on her toughness, and because of that, she wouldn't allow anyone else to see her in pain. To know she wasn't in total control of her emotions. He sighed and dropped his hand from the tree branch in front of him, automatically taking a step forward. Once he stood in the clearing though, out of the path of the vastly in need of cutting tree branches, he didn't move an inch. He wasn't sure Kay would want him here, but he knew he couldn't leave. Not without making sure she was okay first. But how did he do that without making her clam up on him? Without causing her to go into damage control mode and put on the "tough girl" act he'd seen her do a thousand times before? He didn't know and because of his lack of knowledge, he chose to remain silent. If she wanted to talk to him, she would and if she didn't…well, at least she'd know she wasn't alone. That he was here for her, if and when she wanted to talk to him. Forcing his eyes away from her tear-stained face, Reese shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks and silently wondered if she would ever acknowledge his presence. She hadn't so far, but then, he hadn't really expected her to. If she were to confide in anyone, it would be Simone—or Miguel. It definitely wouldn't be him. She couldn't even stand to be in the same room with him. She'd made that fact clear on more than one occasion. And yet, for some strange reason, he always hung around. Always stayed in the background, where she couldn't see him but would if she ever bothered to turn around and look. That's what he wanted the most—for Kay Bennett to turn around and see him. Really see him. See not the geek in the glasses but the man he wanted to be. The man he wanted to be for her. And when that day came, he knew everything he'd gone through would be worth it. He knew she'd love him just as much as he loved her…and then he would finally take off his glasses. He would finally show her that he wasn't the geek she thought he was. That he never had been and never would be. He wasn't quite sure why he'd never told her the truth. That he only wore the geek glasses and clumsy nature to protect himself—to protect himself from her and those like her. People that judged on looks and class and failed to look inside and see who a person really was before deeming them with a tag they didn't really deserve. He wanted to teach her that. To show her that you couldn't judge a person based on looks alone. That you had to look deeper in order to see the person underneath the social mask they wore. Maybe he had been who she thought he was at one time—a geek without a clue—but those days had been over a long, long time ago. He didn't need the glasses he wore. He had contacts. He had for years now. He didn't need the geek clothes either. He could certainly afford the stylish clothes that would catch her attention. But if he were to change now, he wouldn't catch the attention he wanted most. He might catch her eye—for a while anyway—but he'd never catch her heart. Not really. And that's what he wanted. He wanted her heart…he wanted her heart because she already had his. "Is this silent routine some kind of reverse psychology?" Her shaky voice asked, drawing his eyes back to her face. "If it is, it's not going to work." He inwardly smiled as she sniffed, tried to put on the brave front he knew so well. "I don't want to talk about what happened. So if that's why you're standing there, looking like a Greek statue, you can just forget it." He didn't say anything in reply to her statement. He just nodded. Nodded and waited for her to continue talking. He knew she would eventually. She wasn't comfortable with silence. She worried too much about what other people thought. "Dammit, Reese! Would you just say something already? You know I hate that silent watcher crap." She shook her head, a sigh of exasperation escaping her lips. "And for god's sake, if you're going to stick around would you at least sit down? The statue routine is giving me the creeps." Because he'd unnerved her by doing something she didn't expect, he thought in surprise. Instead of asking her what's wrong the way he normally would have, he'd waited for her to talk to him first. And she was, probably for the first time in a long, long time. If ever. Amazing. "Are you sure you want me to sit down?" He asked, finally breaking his silence and searching her face with his eyes. "You didn't look to eager to see me when I walked into the clearing." She didn’t roll her eyes like he expected. Instead, she turned her head to look in the opposite direction from where he stood. "That's because I came here to be alone." He nodded. "Then I should leave. I saw you dart past the house, you looked upset, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. You obviously are, so I should go now. I should let you be alone." He turned to leave but froze when she spoke again. "R…Reese, wait. Don't…don't go." She stumbled over the words, her unexpected request coming out in a hesitant, fumbling, rush of emotion. He turned, shock filling his system, unable to believe he heard her say what he thought she had. She didn't speak when he turned back around, but he heard her just the same. He heard her because her eyes voiced the words her lips failed to speak…'Stay with me. Please don't leave me alone.' Kay couldn't believe it. She should be glad Reese wanted to leave yet she wasn't. She wasn't because for the first time in her life, she wanted him to stay. She wanted him to stay…with her. To talk with her and tell her that everything would be all right. That she wasn't as bad as she thought she was. That she wasn't evil just…just mistaken and lost and…and more confused than she had ever been in her entire life. She sighed. Reese would never understand where she was coming from. He would think her evil just like Jessica. Just like Simone. Just like Father Lonighan. How could he not? After all the evil, manipulative things she had done, how could he not think she was an evil bitch who deserved every bit of pain she was feeling? Every bit of heartache and misery that came her way? No. Reese would never judge her. He might disagree with her choices. He might be disappointed and upset by the things she had done, even a little angry, but he would never judge her. He would never think her to be evil. At least she didn't think he would. "Have you ever done something you were so ashamed of that it literally made you sick to your stomach to think about it?" "Hasn't everyone?" He asked, finally moving from his post near the entrance to the clearing and coming to sit beside her on the bench. He didn't look at her while he talked. And she was glad for that. If he looked at her, she might really break down. "No one is perfect, Kay. No one gets through life without doing something they wish they could take back. Something they wish they could undo. Whether it’s a hurtful statement they wish they hadn't said, or some action they'd give anything not to have done, everyone has at least one skeleton in their closet." He turned toward her then, sapphire-blue sincerity shining in a depth of heartfelt understanding and honest reflection. "We're human and humans make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. But as humans, we have the option of making amends for those mistakes. Of trying to undo the damage we didn't really mean to cause." "But what if you did mean to cause that damage," she whispered softly, averting her attention toward the ground at their feet. "What if you did mean to cause someone else pain? To break someone else's heart? To destroy someone else's life and make them suffer for a wrong you think they caused you but know, deep down inside, they really had nothing to do with at all? What if you were so evil you wanted someone else to die just so you could live the life you think you want but really aren't sure you want at all?" Lifting a hand from its resting place on the bench, he gently cupped her chin, forcing her to turn and look at him. When her eyes crashed into his, he smiled, a sad smile that said far more than words ever could. "You aren't evil, Kay. You may have done some bad things—some very bad things—but you aren't evil. If you were truly evil, you wouldn't be in so much pain right now. You wouldn't care about the pain you had caused and you certainly wouldn't feel guilty about the state of Charity's health. If you were truly evil, you wouldn't care at all." Kay shook her head, inadvertently pulling her chin from his gentle grip and without taking her eyes from his, she voiced the questions she never expected to utter. "What would you say if you knew I once sold my soul so I could be with Miguel? Or how about when I cast a spell that froze Charity in a block of ice? Or maybe when I dumped fish guts on her at prom?" "Or how about when I left her on the railroad tracks to die? Or about when I cast another spell and made Miguel think I was Charity so he would sleep with me and I could get pregnant and basically trap him into a relationship I knew he didn't want?" She paused to draw a breath then continued before he had the chance to speak. "Or what about the fact that I just called my mother a bitch and slapped her? Would you still say I wasn't evil then?" Getting up from her seat beside Reese, Kay began to pace. "I've done evil things, Reese, very evil things. I'm the reason evil came to Harmony. I brought it here. Me. I'm the reason my house was sucked into hell. The reason Charity and Miguel and I almost lost our lives in hell. I'm the reason it happened. All of it. Me. I did it. I did it all so I could get Miguel." She laughed bitterly. "It didn't work. None of it ever worked. He loves her more now than he ever has before and I know now that he will never be mine. I know I've lost him. For good." Reese stood suddenly and reached out to brush the pad of his thumbs across her cheekbones, ridding it of the tears she hadn't been aware she was still shedding. "You can't lose what you never had, Kay, and you never had Miguel. Not the way you wanted him. You didn't have him because he never saw you. He never looked into your eyes and saw the beautiful woman that you are. The beautiful woman that would lay down her life to protect his. For that, he's a fool." "How can you say that?" She whispered, closing her eyes to block out the honest understanding she saw in his. "How can you say that after what I just told you? After all the awful things I just told you I've done? How can anyone ever think me beautiful after that?" "Maybe because I love you." Opening her eyes at his barely audible words, she found herself transfixed by an emotion so strong, so passionate—so honest—she couldn't even begin to give it a name. "I mean it. I love you, Kay. I always have…." he paused to brush away a wayward lock of her hair and she swallowed, hard, mesmerized by the intense, unwavering conviction shining in a dark blue abyss, "…and I always will." The corners of his lips curved upward, slightly, slowly, and her heart gave a tiny, little flutter. "You aren't perfect, Kay. None of us are. And you've done some things I wish you hadn't, but I still love you." His fingers left her face to trace a slow path down her bare arm, toward her right hand, and a small, unexpected shudder rippled through her. "I don't have any choice not to love you. You're a part of me." With a gentle but firm grip, he lifted her hand, palm flat, and placed it over his heart. "You live inside of me, right here, and regardless of how much I sometimes wish I didn't, I love you. Flaws and all." His heart beat a steady rhythm under her palm, but it was his eyes—or more importantly, the look in his eyes—that touched her heart. Made her realize what she had failed to see for years. The man she'd dreamed of every single night for as long as she could remember had been standing in front of her the whole time, and she never even saw him. Until now. Tears pricked her eyes. A dull, unyielding ache settled into her heart. She didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve him or his love. She was evil. Even Father Lonighan told her that. "Don't love me, Reese. I'll only break your heart. Cause you pain. I'll destroy your life if you give me the chance. You know it's true. Look at what I did to Miguel. To Charity. To my family. To myself. Don’t let me do it to you. You deserve better than what I can give you." "Maybe," he said, another small smile hovering on his lips, "…but you're what I want. You're what I need. We don't choose who we love, Kay. You love Miguel. Miguel loves Charity. And I love you. It's not perfect, but love never is. As the old saying goes, nothing worth having is ever easy in obtaining. I believe that…and I'm willing to wait." She opened her mouth, but his finger across her lips silenced her. "I love you and I'm willing to wait for as long as it takes until you realize my love isn't going to go away just because you want it to or because you don't think you deserve to have it. You may have done some bad things, but everyone deserves love, Kay, and you have mine. Win, lose, or draw." She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. Tried to look away. Tried to avoid seeing the truth reflected in his deep, trust-in-me, blue eyes, but found she couldn't. They were too mesmerizing to look away from. Too honest to deny with callous words and heartbreaking lies. He said he loved her and his eyes told her he meant it. "I…I'm sorry, Reese, I'm so sorry. For everything. For everything I've done to you…to Charity…to Miguel…Simone…mom and dad. Even Jessica. I'm so, so sorry." "I know you are," he whispered, pulling her into his arms so that her head rested on his chest, against her hand still covering his heart. His hands, strong and steady, stroked her hair and back, each touch a smooth, calming caress that spoke to a place she hadn't felt in a really, really long time—her heart. "I won't leave you alone, Kay. I promise. We'll figure out what to do…how to fix things. We'll do it together." Together. Her and Reese. Side by side. Heart to heart. Who would have thought she would actually like the sound of that. The End This story was edited by Maria (Luisfan79). I thank her for her help! Edited by: OKDeanna at: 12/8/06 7:36 pm |
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