ME Jokes
Everybody is welcome to post ME related jokes in this thread:
here we go
Elrond, Gandalf and some elves sitting near the hearth at Rivendell. Sound of steps from the roof, coughs, swearing. Then a ring falls into the hearth. Gandalf:
“Don’t you worry, chaps, that’s Frodo training”
* * *
When Ar-Pharazon’s fleet approached Aman, Valar laid down their authority and applied to Eru:
- What is to be done, o the One?
- Make the sea swallow Numenor, and paint Sauron green
- But why green?
- I knew that the first advice will meet no objections at all
* * *
Once Celeborn was beating his wife. Gimli, hearing her cries, took his battleaxe and rushed to her aid. When he came back to his senses with a horrible head-ache, he asked:
- What happened to me?
- You felt the power of the Lord of of the Galadhrim, answered Haldir
Before the beginning of time Eru asked Melkor:
- Whom you want to be, o Ainu?
- I wanna be a warlord
- But the Enemy may beat you
- Than I wanna be an Enemy
* * *
Bilbo sailing to Valinor: “how old I am now, gollm, gollm... er, I mean, eh, eh”
* * *
Pippin in the battle at the gate of Mordor: “Goats, Goats are coming”
“This one also was watching Palantir-night shows” – thought Gandalf
* * *
Saruman sitting in Orthanc amidst a dirty pool. Gandalf passing by:
“What happened? Ents again?”
“not ents. Plumbers”
* * *
Lo! Lords and knights and men of valour unashamed, kings and princes, and fair people of Gondor, and Riders of Rohan, and ye sons of Elrond, and Dúnedain of the North, and Elf and Dwarf, and greathearts of the Shire, and all free folk of the West, now listen to my lay. For I will sing to you of Beren of the One and, Frodo of the Nine Fingers, Sauron of the One Eye, Samwise the Brainless and other cripples and maims of Middle-Earth...
* * *
“Nice-ss-s fis-s-sh” hissed Smeagol climbing down to water
“Fatty Smeagol” – thought piranhas gathered near the bank, but their hope was vain...
* * *
Minas-Anor at the begining of the 4th age. Tiny black-skinned creature runs to and fro with a tiny golden ingot in hand and yells: “I’m a Lord here, obey me”
But nobody believes it...
* * *
A pillar near nargothrond with an engraved announcement:
“Talking lizard draconius glaurungus escaped from Angband Zoo. Please return if found. Don’t keep, don’t feed– an animal is ill (Mania Grandiosa)”
* * *
Gimli: Dear Sam, today your cooking was extraordinary...
Sam (blushing): Really?
Gimli: Yeah, even my stomach rises...
* * *
Gimli is visiting Legolas in Mirkwood. On the wall of elf’s chamber there is a hide of fell beast hanged
Gimli: whoa, Lego, how many arrows did you spend to get this thing?
Legolas: 47
Gimli: And how many times did you hit it?
Legolas: never
Gimli: yet how did you manage to kill it?
Legolas: It suffocated because of laughter
* * *
“What a cracked idea – set a hedge in a cellar! What for?” Thought drunken Bilbo walking around the barrel in Thrandul’s cellar
* * *
Archery Contest in Mirkwood. Tall, but slender elf comes out with a medium bow, bends it sends an arrow right into the aplle of the mark
"I'm Legolas" proclaims he and goes back to his seat
Another one, still taller and kingly looking, approaches the spot, bends his large bow and hits the feather of Legolas' arrow, which is torn apart
"I'm Thranduil" Cries he out loudly and goes back to his seat
Third one comes out. One of the astonishing height, large limbs and enourmous breast. He bends his gigantic bow, sends an arrow size of a log which hits Thranduil, knocks him over and drags Legolas who happens to be seated right behind deep into the forest.
Re: ME Jokes
some were found at russian site www.kulichki.ru and translated by me, some "remade" from existing not ME jokes, and some made up. Glad you liked those
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