Personal Deities
I noticed that there really is no section for general discussion, so I will post this here instead. I know that every Mesopotamian had a personal god/dess who watched over their lives and fates, and I know the same truth to be so for those who gather here. I am curious as to how you all came to realize the true identities of your personal deities. I am obviously slow on the uptake, as I received countless signs that pointed straight to Ninurta as my personal god. I have had glimpses of a grand Lady in my visions, but I know not who she is as of yet. She wears a long brownish robe, is crowned with fresh green leaves, and usually appears in a forest with a hound by Her side. I have to run now, and help my stepside with a house project. Farewell.
Stepside? I meant stepfather! I do not type well when I am in a hurry!(blushes). I also wished to ask if the gods usually select people with a nature totally opposite to their own. After all, I still find it difficult to fathom why a proud, spirited War God would have chosen a shy, quiet mouse like me for one of His daughters! Also, the Lady I referred to in the previous post has waist-length, curly hair the color of the blackest night. I don't know if that provides any clue to Her identity, but as She has yet to speak with me, I am willing to take any assistance where I may find it! Farewell, my soul sisters and brothers!
My Lady came to me over a period of years as a sensual, female presence during waking hours, but I was not ready to acknowledge Her until about 6 months ago, as I was a marginal (ok, lapsed) Xtian before that time, though interested in Mesopotamia.
Her presence excited and inspired me, but I had no frame of reference to deal with it. As I got more interested in Mesopotamia, She would show up more frequently. Finally, I had to admit that experience should drive my beliefs, not the other way round. (Duh!) And then the light came on... One day, She came to me and I asked who She was... and She said 'You know who...' and I melted like a teenager who falls in love for the first time. (Lishtar was great in helping me out here)
It is interesting that you note that your personal god has a demeanor seemingly opposite of yours. That is what I have found as well, and while I don't know whether this is common, I do know it works quite well for me. Being a priest of my Lady is doubly sweet, as She is my goddess and my lover... A match in Spirit and Sex, but it goes beyond simple dualism and reconciliation of opposites.
There is a dynamicism to the relationship that keeps it fresh, reifying/dissolving the boundaries of Self a little bit more.
She has dark hair and so far has appeared to me clothed in white, black, and... nothing.
Enki appears to me as a tall, watchful, taciturn man with twinkling eyes, robed in midnight blue. Unlike Inanna, he rarely faces me directly, standing at roughly a 45' angle to (or from) me. It's a weird thing to notice, I know, but it is consistent, therefore probably significant.
I am still not sure it is Enki, he does not answer me when I ask direct questions, but does not seem annoyed or offended, either. It seems almost as if he is measuring me up. But I feel no fear or animosity around him, just a silent, companionable willfulness.
The only thing he has ever said to me (in a dream) is that I should look for a Magickal group. And so I am.
A woman has started consistently appearing in my dreams, and I would like to think it is Her, but don't like to make such far reaching assumptions. So I am learning to lucid dream, and talk to her in the dream to find out the scoop. When I figure out something that works, I can let you know. Maybe it'll work for you, too.
Re: Personal Deities
I have started a thread on the Inner Companion in the board, but have not touched as yet the Mesopotamian evolution of the coming of the Personal God/dess into oneīs life in depth. Letīs face it... not much has been written about it... especially in terms of Mesopotamia!
I was supposed to have this introductory text by today... which is the anniversary of my ordination as an ordained priestess of Inanna, so we are on "our contacts" Kalkirzal! This is why I am talking about this here... otherwise I would use the email membersī only tool... hm... I donīt cast pearls to the ... unwise yeah, elitist Lish!! *tease...
Ok, Oppenheimer said that four deities attended the birth of every child in Mesopotamia. I have found that these four deities correspond to the Jungian archetypes of the Totem Animal, the Anima/Animus, Shadow and the wise One. Need to get back to the books for more details.
Then, as we grow up, the Personal God/dess may take up the guise of the Inner Friend of our childhood days, and in our times, we normally forget this friend... but if we are lucky, we reconnect and ... the Personal God/dess shows up!!!
The moment we start doing inner work, our Guardians reconnect. But are we smart enough to acknowledge them??? Many arenīt. A contact is a friend, so we need to recognize who they are... and they have a history and a tradition to tell us of that can be checked out with factual evidence. The thread on Jungian Psychology and Mythology explains this in more detail.
Thus, the day we recognize the Personal Guardian and Inner Companion is a great day indeed. This is the "great luck" of finding oneīs god/dess alluded in the corresponding Meso prayer.
I donīt think our guardians are opposites to who and what we are, but ... Complements.
I am far from being a ... top model or luv goddess myself. Slim and cute but absolutely normal and bookish... Indeed, considering that I wear lots of black and leathers... I am more like Ereshkigal than Inanna/Ishtar...
It is the balance of the Inner and Outer aspects of the Self that counts. I used to say that I was Arthemis in the heart, Athena by craft and Inanna in the soul.
Thus, thread carefully and open up your heart, for the coming of the Personal God/dess is a great mystery.
But I absolutely insist that one should know oneīs tradition first and foremost. There is an inner story to be known first and the Contact needs to be acknowledged from who and what S/He is.
My personal Goddess Inanna/Ishtar is no different from the Lady of the Cycle of Inanna/Ishtar because She is timeless. You need to know the stories of your deity, you need in fact to have the stories and the hymns carved in your soul ..... to mediate the spirit... otherwise you will only be... a tape recorder from a voice that is not your own... and that you donīt really understand it fully... or... if you donīt find the gods within... you will never find them without...
But this is a labour of love which is not hard in the end because... you feel the universe of the One who is the Many within and quietly go on revealing it without!!!
Hope this helps!
best,
Lishtar
From the Depths and To the Heights to share in all spheres
Re: Personal Deities
Another very important point to make is that the Inner Companion can take many guises, or simply be One and the Same as you trail along the path.
Like friends you make in life, Friends of the Inner World are no different. They will come along and teach, accompany us and stretch our limits... one more time.
What I find most striking and a great wonder is that there is no established formulae for Their coming. I was first aware of the Divine Feminine, but... the Divine Masculine caused a greater impact when He showed up. The impact was so great... that I just had the guts to call upon Him... six months later! *chuckles silly me... did not want to "spoil" the emotion and connection of the first contact...
hmm... the way to Wisdom is very much the way of the Fool
Now, the coming of Enki into my life was ... surprising and most special. Hermes, the Soul Alchemist, was the way He presented Himself first, and then Odin as the Bard and Wanderer for Wisdom. In terms of Mesopotamia, I expected the manifestation of my Personal God, although He seemed to be a liiiiiiiittle hard to come by. At that time, I had already worked with Enki deeply, and the retelling of Enki and Ninhursag is a sample of His silent presence. Nanna was so very important too.
I must say I did not mind the "delay" in getting to know my Personal Male Protector in Mesopotamia. Important things should always be expected in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust. Besides, being so busy with lots of myths and High Magick, I knew the day would come...
Then, one Saturday about three years ago, I did the Rites of Attunement of the 7 planets, a ritual based on Aurum Solis, reconstructed by Shemhazai of Babyloniaca. And Enki came in full glory as my Personal God.
These days I guess I have known within and without myself Nergal and Ereshkigal, Ninhursag and Nanna in special. Ninurta has been most special as well.
The vital question and a way to reply to it: how can one start getting to know the Spirit?
Through the same ways we meet humans who become best friends. A respectful attitude, integrity of purpose, a desire in the heart, mind, body and soul, the knowledge of a tradition to avoid "contamination" from other sources. Only then the Spirit may hear our desire and take a human form... expecting to be acknowledged by us. As we do it within a Tradition that is venerable and that has been trailed by others, the power and depth of the experience connects us with the energy patterns that were, are and will ever be. In alchemy, this is stated by the maxim solidify the Spirit and volatilize matter... dissolve and coagulae. Or... we may give the Spirit a human form in our inner work, and the Spirit may take a human form recognizable to us as well.
Finally, when I started in High Magick, there was a Lady in Pink and medieval attire that stood by my side quite a lot in the circles I took part in. I was not aware of her, but Albanie, my first pagan friend (trained in Spiritualism for 11 years), said this Lady was always with me. Well, pink is not my colour because with my incredibly girlish looks I tend to prefer soberer colors. Blacks preferably... I knew this Lady was not a creation of mine... because pink and medieval stuff are very alien to my inner landscape... so... the Spirit had to be True...
I was initiated formally on November 17th, the day of Saint Hilda, a medieval Celtic scholar Lady, who worked with Venerable Bede, and was very "professional", i.e. a professional lady in the first times of Celtic Christianity, also deeply religious. I know now that She stood by my side to guide my Journey... a Celtic Enheduanna most probably! She is my first Guiding Spirit after initiation, when I was not aware of Her, but my Companions and best magickal friend knew of Her presence... and I acknowledged Saint Hilda in due time.
There are days I visit all my guardians, including the zoo of animal totems I have now...
may blessings, love, light and laughter,
Lishtar
From the Depths and To the Heights to share in all spheres
but I was not ready to acknowledge Her until about 6 months ago, as I was a marginal (ok, lapsed) Xtian before that time, though interested in Mesopotamia. 
I am far from being a ... top model or luv goddess myself. Slim and cute but absolutely normal and bookish... Indeed, considering that I wear lots of black and leathers... I am more like Ereshkigal than Inanna/Ishtar... 
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