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francine marie TM
Posts: 64
(14/6/02 2:17)
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Should a couple stay together.......
for the "sake" of a child or children? Married or not, IMO the answer is NO.
I really don't see how a couple who has grown apart for whatever reason(just did, cheating, etc...) in the long run it would do the child more harm than good to stay together.
Mostly for emotional well being reasons. If a couple is fighting a lot and just not getting along and the love is gone, the child see's and lives that same emotional abuse his/her. Its just on a different level. It also means there will be a better chance of the child repeating what the folks are doing, as far as treating their partner the same way. The pressure would be on the couple as well, to be good to each other in front of the child, almost putting on an act. Trouble is, that childern can see things others can't, sense tention, like when you hold a baby and it tenses up if your nervous holding him/her.
The adjustmet time would be hard, IMO. Getting settled into a routine and changes. In the long run though I think the family would be happier and less resentful all around(yes even the child as he/she gets older and understands more).
What is your opinion on this? I know that most of you will probably disagree saying that this is part of whats wrong with the world, people taking the easy way out. I disagree because IF the mother or father who is not living with the child makes every effort to be in his/her life, it can be better than living on eggshells and whispers which end up turning into screaming and shivering in wonder and worry about what will happen next. That is not the easy way out, that is taking the long road to assure everyone's happiness.
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xguy2O99 
Posts: 61
(14/6/02 5:28)
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Re: Should a couple stay together.......
my parents divorced and i came out decent... i think so i would so no
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Choden Kal
Oops! Sorry...I didnt mean to shatter your puny little universe
Posts: 20
(14/6/02 15:27)
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Re: Should a couple stay together.......
same. But on the other hand I think too many people use divorce as a way out of working through thier problems.
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OctoberOmicron 
Registered User
Posts: 1
(15/6/02 0:56)
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Re: Should a couple stay together.......
Depends on the circumstances to me. If the excouple can't stand eachother and after trying to work things out nothing progressed, how could they stay together.
Personally, if my relationship ended on a good note, and she agreed with me, I'd continue living (or allowing my wife to live with me) with her until the kid was ten or so. My biggest problem is this custody @#%$. I'd try to work something out out of court with her so we can spend reasonable time with the child by ourselves and together. I don't think it should be so much about the baby being around each parent, but more both parents at the same time.
I've never met or spoken through any form to my father, but I personally believe that being without him made me a better person today in the fields I love than I would've been had he been around. Luckily, I like who I am. Sure, I'll never know if I'd be better off had he been around, but at least the cards I WAS dealt were good enough for me in the long run. I feel sorry for anyone that doesn't because of being raised by only one parent.
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Hugemon 
Posts: 242
(15/6/02 4:52)
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Re: Should a couple stay together.......
If you don't have a good relationship with your mate, the conflict in your environment will be passed on to your children, effectively installing the thought that they should be as unhappy in their own relationships as you are yourself.
So NO, I wouldn't stay together.
But just because you can divorce your wife, you can NEVER divorce or stop loving your kids, IMHO.
| Behold, a pale horse, and the man that sat on him was Death |
| ...and HELL followed with him |
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LilBonnie187 
Registered User
Posts: 8
(15/6/02 10:28)
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Re: Should a couple stay together.......
UGH!!! God forbid how my life would now be if I had stayed with my kids dad, 9yrs was too long as it was, if its not a good relationship with fighting ect it can only damage the kids. Whats more important is maintaining a partnership of parenting which all to often cannot be done. I myself try to keep a friendship and respectable relationship with the father so that we can have some kind of agreement on raising our children, but what the other parent decides to do with that is solely up to them. I guess all you can do is keep that communication open and hope they do there part, which has not been the case for me sadly, but at least I was mature.
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LilBonnie187
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Manxbabe 
Registered User
Posts: 8
(24/6/02 15:07)
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Re: Should a couple stay together.......
I have very mixed views on this subject. I agree that a child should not be subjected to the abuse a bad relationship can bring as it is very disruptive to their lives but at the same time I think parents have the responsibility of trying their hardest to work through their problems through councelling and other accessible agencies first. If both parents feel at the end of these sessions that the marriage cannot be saved - then at least it showed to the child that every effort was made to save the marriage. Once the breakup has been made then every effort should be made to encourage a healthy relationship with both parents.
I have been very lucky in life and have two parents who love each other dearly and it is unthinkable that they would consider parting. Hopefully they have passed on their values to my brothers and myself. I had a disasterous first marriage - but thankfully there were no children from that marriage to consider. I can only speak acaedemically on this subject and not from life experience and know I would probably have very definite views if my upbringing had been different.
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