What Are Friends For Ch 1

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Subject: What Are Friends For Ch 1 - 3
Posted By: OKDeanna - ezOP
Posts: 313
Posted At: (8/21/03 9:11 pm)
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What Are Friends For

Author: OKDeanna
Email: asjfan@cox.net

Chapter One

Christmas Eve 2000

HANK BENNETT raised the glass to his lips then glanced at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar. The man staring back at him, the blood shot eyes, the unshaven face, the disheveled appearance, looked nothing like the man who just one short year ago had not a care in the world. But now... now he had too many to name.

He'd been sitting on this barstool for the last two hours now, drinking his troubles away, or at least trying to, but what had he gotten for his troubles? Just a slight buzz and memories he wanted to forget still traipsing through his mind. Just another thing Hank screwed up, he thought frowning at his reflection. All he'd wanted to do tonight was get knock down drunk so he wouldn't have to remember what a screw up he was and he couldn't even manage to do that right! Once again Hank Bennett screwed up. But there was one thing with this screw up that he could be happy with, he thought in disgust, at least this time he didn't almost kill someone.

He lowered his eyes back to the drink in his hand then wondered what his brother and family were doing. They always opened at least one gift on Christmas Eve and a quick glance at the clock on the wall told him it was around the time that particular tradition took place. Sam probably didn't even notice he was missing, he thought moving the drink in his hand around and watching the liquid slosh against the sides of the glass. He had invited him to come, but Hank knew if he did the only thing he would see in his brother's eyes was the disappointed he'd shown since what a major ass lowlife his little brother was.

Besides, what was the point? He didn't deserve to have a Christmas with his family not when Sheridan was lying in a hospital bed away from hers. And all because of him, the man with a plan that backfired almost got four people killed, including himself. Hell, it still could kill at least one person considering Sheridan had yet to wake up from the coma she'd been in since they'd pulled her out of that coffin. He shuttered with the memories of Luis running with Sheridan's almost lifeless body out of the cemetery to a car that would take her to the hospital.

That was another thing he could thank himself for. Luis was away from his family tonight as well. He had refused to leave Sheridan's side, even for a moment. He'd slept in the chair beside her bed for the last four days now and no one could get him to leave. He was certain Sheridan was going to wake up and he told everyone who would listen he was going to be there when she did.
But no one believed him, really. Eve had told them all it would be a miracle if Sheridan ever woke again and even thought no one blamed him, he knew it was his fault.

Sam had tried telling him he didn't really blame him, he'd just been angry at being lied to, but Hank knew better. How could they all not blame him? It was his plan that had buried Sheridan alive and placed Eve, Hal, and him in the danger they'd been in. It was his fault Sheridan was in that coma right now. It was his fault his best friend was going through so much hell. His fault, and even if everyone else forgave him, he'd never forgive himself.

He raised the glass back to his lips then downed the rest of the contents and motioned for the bartender to refill it. He was going to get drunk if it took him all damn night to do it, he thought picking up the refilled drink and raising it to his lips again. He stopped as a soft, gentle hand covered his own and the minute his brown eyes connected with another pair in the mirror behind the bar, his dark mood suddenly felt a little lighter. "Beth?"

"Hey there, slugger." She replied softly as she slid onto the bar stool beside him and rubbed a hand over his back. "I thought you might be here."

He gave a snort of disbelief then moved his hand out from underneath hers and took a sip of the drink he still held. "And yet you still came."

"Of course I came!" She said shaking her head and motioning the bartender to bring her a beer. "Do you really think I would be out somewhere celebrating Christmas when I knew you were here wallowing in guilt that really isn't yours to deal with?"

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye then lowered his hand back to the bar, the glass hitting the top with a soft thud. "The guilt is mine, Beth, the guilt is all mine."

"No it isn't." Beth stated shaking her head, causing her raven black hair to swish across the back of her small black leather jacket. "The FBI Agent agreed to the plan. Eve agreed to the plan. SHERIDAN agreed to the plan. How do you figure all that happened is your fault when three other people were involved in it? And don't you dare say it's because it was your idea, because that is a bunch of bull. The truth is you always wallow in guilt, because you don't believe you deserve anything else. But you do and dammit if it's the last thing I do tonight, I'm going to help you see that!"

Hank let go of the glass and turned to face her, his eyes roaming of her face. "Why in the hell would you want to be here with me? On Christmas Eve of all days? I mean I thought you would be in Boston with your mom until after New Year's."

"I will be. I'll be going back tomorrow." She replied as she met his eyes with a determined gleam, the one that told him whatever she was going to say he wasn't going to like. "I called Sam's earlier tonight to wish you a merry Christmas and he told me what happened and that you had declined his offer of spending the holiday's with him. He's really torn up about it, Hank."

"Yeah right. He doesn't want me there. He's too afraid I'll corrupt his daughters or worse get them killed." He turned back around and grabbed his drink, only to have Beth take it out of his hand before he could raise it to his mouth. "Hey!"

She shook her head then handed the glass to Jack. "Hank's had enough."

"The hell I have!" He said reaching out and grabbing the glass back out of Jack's hand. "Nobody asked you to come here, Beth and I damn sure don't recall asking you to limit the amount of alcohol l plan to consume tonight!"

He heard her defeated sigh from beside him and when he looked at her she wasn't leaving like he expected her to. She was taking off her coat as if she hadn't a care in the world. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking off my coat." She replied turning to face him, a slight smile curving her lips. "If we're going to be drowning our sorrows tonight then I figured I may as well get comfortable."

Hank grabbed the beer in front of her and moved it to the other side of him. "Go back to Boston, Beth. I don't need you here and I don't want you here. Just go spend Christmas with your mother and when you get there do yourself another favor and forget you ever knew me."

"No." She said getting off the barstool and walking around him until she could reach for the beer, he'd taken from her. "I am not leaving you alone. So if you want me to leave then you'll have to come with me."

"Dammit Beth!" Hank roared as he quickly swiveled on his barstool and grabbed her arm before she could pick up her mug of beer. "Don't you ever listen? I don't want you here!"

"Well, that's just too damn bad." She said pulling her arm out of his grasp and pointing one slender finger straight into his chest. "Because you don't get a vote! This is a public place, Mr. I'm-gonna-drink-my-sorrows-away, and you can't tell me when to leave!"

His closed his eyes as he realized she wasn't going to leave. But a second later, he opened them again, knowing one sure fire way to get her to leave him alone tonight. His arms snaked out to wrap around her waist and before he had time to think about what he was doing, he pulled her tight against his chest and covered her lips with his. He felt her palms press against his chest trying to push him away, but he didn't let her and then suddenly she stopped trying...

His lips slid across hers, his hands roamed her back, pressing her breasts into his chest. Her arms wrapped around his neck then a second later they moved to his hair and yanked him backwards until he met her eyes. "That isn't going to work, Hank. You can kiss me until the sun goes down and I'm still not leaving."

He swallowed hard knowing she meant it. He wasn't going to freak her out by kissing her. He'd have to come up with another way. He slid off the barstool bringing his body into closer contact with hers then moved his hand down to her buttocks and pressed her against him. "How about we work on that kissing until the sun goes down? We could go back to my place and..."

Her palm met his cheek with lightening speed and even though he had expected it, it still shocked the hell out of him that she'd actually done it. "I take that as a no."

"Damn you, Hank. I'm not going to let you do this. You can hit on me all you want, but I'm not going to let you scare me away. Not tonight. You need me tonight whether you want to admit or not."

"I do need you." He said pulling her closer and nuzzling her neck with his lips then moving them up to her ear to whisper inside it. "I need to feel you underneath me, Beth. I need to feel my hands running up your body to cover your -"

"Dammit Hank!" She yelled pressing her palms into his chest and pushing herself out of his arms. "Why are you doing this? Why are pushing me away?"

"I'm not." He said reaching out to pull her back to him. "I'm pulling you closer. You know we've always had this underlying attraction between us, maybe its time we gave in to it. Maybe tonight we can both stop fighting and just let go."

He watched her struggling with herself and wondered if he'd pushed her far enough yet, but then she shook her head and he knew he hadn't. He'd have to go a bit further. "What do you say we get out of here? Go some place where I can discover all those secret places that you hold beneath these clothes. Go some place where I can take this shirt off of you and touch you, taste you, savor every inch of your body, until you're begging me for more."

"Hank -"

"Don't you want to discover me, Beth?" He asked pulling her back to him and running his hands down her sides to the belt loops of her jeans and hooking two fingers inside it, pulling her waist closer until she could feel how much he wanted her. "Don't you want me to discover you? I want to hear you call out my name when you -"

"That's enough!" She yelled yanking his arm away from her almost breaking his fingers in the process. "I'm only trying to help you, but I realize you don't want my help. So you win."

"Scared you, did I?" He asked with a smirk.

"No, you didn't scare me, Hank. You made me realize that we weren't as good of friends as I always thought me were." Tears began to pool in her eyes and he felt like the worst bastard on the face of the planet. "I'm sorry I wanted to help you. I thought that's what friends were for, but obviously... Obviously, I was wrong."

"Beth -"

"No." She said shaking her head and grabbing her jacket off the barstool beside them. "You made your point, I get it and I'm going."

He watched helpless as she made her way to the front of the bar slipping her jacket on as she did so and turning back to look at him right before she pushed the door open and stepped outside into the cold Maine air. The pain in her eyes was enough to stop his heart from beating and that's when he realized he couldn't let her leave, not when he'd hurt her. He only wanted to freak her out so she would leave. It never occurred to him that his actions would hurt her. Damn. "Beth wait! "

She didn't turn around. She didn't stop. She just let the door swing shut as she walked out and in doing so, he felt lower than he had when he'd walked into the bar tonight. "Jack, I'll be back. I have to -"

"Go. You screwed up, Bennett. Now go fix it."

He nodded then raced out after her, praying she would listen to his apology while knowing she had every right in the world not to. He had been a grade A first class jerk and he wouldn't blame her a bit if she never talked to him again. In fact, it would serve him right. He didn't deserve her friendship, but she was right when she said he needed it that he needed her. He did need her and it would kill him if he had destroyed their friendship with his actions tonight. It would kill him far more than anything else he'd done to screw up his life.

* * * * *

Beth Wallace pulled her coat tightly around herself and wondered how long it would take Hank to come out after her. She had heard him call out for her to wait, but she didn't want to stop because then they would end up staying in the bar and she needed to get him out of the bar. He needed to be around people that cared about him and somehow she was going to get him to go to Sam's tonight. She wasn't quite sure how, but she knew she'd think of something.

She shivered as a blast of cold wind hit her in the face then wrapped her arms around her midriff and waited until she heard the door open behind her. Only then did she step off the curb into the street to begin her walk to her car. Hank was behind her she knew it, she could feel him. She smiled to herself as she cleared one side of the road and began to walk across the other then froze in her tracks as the headlights of an oncoming car flashed in her line of vision, the lights entirely too close for her peace of mind. She turned just as the screech of the car's brakes sounded throughout the air and the car began careening toward her.

"BETH! LOOK OUT!"

She tried to move out of the way, but she was so frozen with fear that her feet wouldn't listen to what her brain was telling them. She barely registered the bloodcurdling scream that flew from her lips as Hank tackled her into the snow on the other side of the road while the car slid to a stop directly where she had been standing only seconds before.

"Hank," She whispered causing him to raise his head from her shoulder. The look in his eyes held pure terror and she barely managed to finish her statement because of it. "You... you saved my life."

"Are you hurt?" He asked interrupting her and moving a hand up and down her sides. "God, please tell me you aren't hurt."

"I'm... I'm okay." She said shaking her head then closing her eyes as thoughts about what almost happened flashed in her mind. "If you hadn't-"

"Are you two okay?" A worried voice asked a few feet away from where they lay. "I tried to stop, but -"

"You bastard!" Hank yelled as he rolled off of her and jumped to his feet, lunging at the man standing by the curb.

Beth raised her brows in surprise as she watched Hank grab the man by collar of his jacket, almost lifting him off the ground and causing a look of fear to cross the man's features, fear she knew was warranted given the lethal tone in Hank's voice. "You could have killed her! Why the hell weren't you paying more attention?"

The man cast a worried glance at her then looked back at Hank and tried to speak, but it had to be hard considering his coat and shirt was bunched up around his throat. "I... I -"

"Hank," Beth called out as she got to her feet. "Let him go. It was my fault. I walked out in front of him. I... I didn't even look."

She shivered as the images of the headlights of the car flashed in her mind then stumbled a bit as she made her way toward Hank and tried to pry his hands off the man's jacket. "Hank let him go. It was my fault."

"Beth," Hank said turning to her as she finally managed to remove his hands from the man's jacket. "He could have killed you."

"It was my fault, Hank, not his. I didn't look where I was going." She turned to the man unable to take looking into Hank's fearful eyes a moment longer. "I'm sorry. I should have been paying more attention."

"I'm just glad you're okay. You are okay, right?" The man asked his eyes holding dread. "I mean -"

"I'm fine." She said giving him a small smile. "I just had a scare that's all. I apologize for giving you one as well. I'll watch where I'm going from now on."

The man nodded then turned to get back into his car. She hugged her arms to herself as he drove off then turned her attention to the man standing next to her. She could feel the tension in him and knew he was angry. "Go ahead and say it."

"You shaved ten damn years off my life, do you realize that?" He shook his head then pulled her into a tight hug. "Please don't ever do that again!"

She wrapped her arms around him then laid her head on his shoulder and soaked up the warmth his embrace gave her. "I won't."

"Promise?" He asked pulling back and raising a hand to her cheek, his brown eyes searching hers in way he never had before.

"I promise." She whispered staring into his eyes, wondering why her heart was suddenly racing at the look in them. She watched him lick his lips then sucked in a deep breath when he leaned in closer to her, his lips hovering above her own. "Hank?"

"Hmm?" He asked his brown eyes holding hers hostage, his lips less than an inch away from her own. She swallowed hard at the intense look in his eyes then unable to stop herself, she glanced down at his lips, wishing he would lean in just a little bit more so that their lips would touch. The moment the thought entered her mind her eyes flew back up to his and she released a breathy sigh as she noticed the same need she felt reflected in his eyes.

She froze in place as he closed the gap between their lips then felt a warm glow flow through her veins as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against his chest, his lips hesitantly brushing across her own. It wasn't like the kiss he'd given her in the bar. This one wasn't given because he wanted to piss her off so she would leave him alone to wallow in guilt. This one was... was... was... was not a kiss friends should be sharing, she thought as she pulled back and stared into his shell-shocked brown eyes. "Hank -"

"Sorry." He muttered as he stepped back away from her, but still keeping his eyes locked onto hers. "I couldn't help it. You... you scared the hell out of me, Beth."

"I know." She whispered lowering her eyes to look at her feet. "I scared myself too. If you hadn't... God, Hank you saved my life."

"It was my fault you were out here in the first place." He said raising a hand and running it through his light brown hair. "If I hadn't - "

"It wasn't your fault." She said interrupting him before he could add more guilt to his pity party list. "I left so you would come after me. I wanted to get you out of the bar and I knew the only way to do that was for me to leave." She swallowed hard then shook her head, tears burning her eyes. "I didn't see the car at all until the headlights almost blinded me. God, I could have died tonight. I could have -"

"Shh," Hank whispered wrapping his arms around her and pulling her head to his chest as his hand rubbed her back, his fingers causing the material of her jacket to bunch across her shoulders. "You're okay now. I've got you."

She smiled into the crook of his shoulder then shivered as the wetness of her clothes and the cold wind hitting her backside flooded her senses. "Hank, can we go now? Sam and Grace's isn't that far and -"

"Beth," Hank warned pulling back to look into her eyes. "I told you -"

"I know." She said pulling him back to her. "But I'm wet from the tumble into the snow bank and the wind is picking up, making me freeze. You have to be cold too. If you don't want to go to Sam's then can we at least go to the B & B and warm up? It's the closest place to us."

She heard him sigh against her cheek and knew he was going to give in. It was true that it was the closest place, but more importantly it was the place he belonged and before the night was over, she planned to make him realize that.

Chapter Two

Wind whipped against the passenger side window, but Hank scarcely noticed. He was too lost in thought about what almost happened to Beth outside of the bar. If he hadn't gone out after her then she could have been... He shook his head then closed his eyes and once again tried to get the image of seeing that car heading straight for her out of his mind.

The screech of the brakes, the squeal of the tires, the too bright headlights that seemed to paralyze Beth where she stood... He didn't think he would ever forget any of it and he knew for damn sure he wouldn't forget that look of fear on her face or the bloodcurdling scream she let out as he tackled her into the snow bank and out of the path of the car. It was all playing in his head like some bad movie. Each frame was slower than the last and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop the fear and the panic that rose in his throat when he saw that car heading straight for her.

If he had been a split second later in going after her, it would have been too late. Then again if he hadn't chased her out of the bar in the first place, she wouldn't have been in the path of that car and he wouldn't have had to see that look of terror on her face. It was his fault. She hadn't been hurt, but she could have been. She couldn't have been a lot worse than just hurt, he thought raising a hand and running it over his unshaven face, she could have been killed.

Just another thing he could blame himself for. She had tried to tell him it wasn't his fault, but he knew damn good and well it was. He had chased her out of that bar with his lamebrain attempt to scare her away and because of that he'd sent her straight into the path of an oncoming car. It had only been by the sheer grace of god that he had managed to get her out of the way in time and as long as he lived he would never let himself forget that. He'd almost gotten her killed. That brought the total number of people whose lives he'd almost ended this week up to four, five if he included himself.

He shook his head then opened his eyes and glanced at Beth. He was amazed that she seemed so at peace when he felt anything but. In fact, no one could tell by looking at her that less than an hour ago she had been in a life or death situation yet he knew without a doubt that anyone that saw him could see it written all over his face.

"You okay?" Beth asked throwing him a worried glance. "You've been really quiet and... well no offense, but you don't look to hot either."

"Gee thanks." He said with a bitter chuckle as he rubbed his unshaven jaw. "I know who to come to now when my ego gets a little too big."

"That's what friends are for!" She said with a lighthearted laugh. "So you just let me know the next time your ego needs a little deflating."

"I'll try to remember that." He muttered giving himself a quick mental shake and forcing his eyes back onto the road in front of him and away from the beautiful brunette beside him. There was something about her tonight. He just couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her for longer than a few seconds at a time. He'd look away, but somehow his attention kept being drawn right back to her. He knew it had something do with the fact that the scent of her perfume was making him a little dizzy. She smelled like the wildflowers that Grace put in the rooms of the Bed & Breakfast every spring and summer and it was starting to excite his senses a little too much for his liking. It was bad enough he couldn't get the taste of her kiss off of his mind, but now that kiss combined with her perfume...

It was pure torture, he thought clearing his throat and setting up a little more in the seat. And why the hell couldn't he seem to get that last kiss he and Beth shared out of his head? It had been different than the ones in the bar. He hadn't been kissing her to get her to leave. He'd been kissing her because he needed to kiss her. And that kiss... He'd felt more in that kiss than he had in a very long time. Was it because his emotions had been running so high after everything that had happened with Sheridan and then with Beth almost getting hit? Or had it been something more?

He had once thought he had deeper feelings for Beth, but then he realized that it was just the close friendship they had and not the romantic feelings he'd thought they were. At least that was what he told himself all those times he'd glanced into her eyes and wished she'd look at him the way she'd always looked at Luis. But now... now he wasn't so sure anymore.

When Beth been standing in the middle of that street and that car had been barreling toward her, his heart had literally stopped beating. Even when he'd been facing death himself, looking into the barrel of Roger's gun, it hadn't affected him anywhere near as much as that one moment with Beth did. It hadn't felt as if it was just her life on the line. Somehow it had felt as if his own were on the line as well.

The headlights from Beth's maroon Jetta flashed on the light blue siding of the B & B, breaking the direction of his thoughts and causing him to remember the scene in front of the bar that he so desperately wanted to forget, but knew he never would. He gasped as the images and sounds began to suffocate him then blindly reached for the door handle and threw it open. He unhooked the seatbelt from his waist then pulled it out of his way and jumped out of the car, trying to let the fresh air calm his rattled nerves. He was losing it, he could feel it, but damned if he could stop it.

The images just kept coming and the sounds... god the sounds just wouldn't quit. He turned around then leaned back against the back passengers side door and closed his eyes, willing himself to calm down. Why was he reacting this way now? Beth was fine. She'd driven him home. There was absolutely no reason to be freaking out about this now yet that was exactly what he was doing. He was freaking.

His eyes flew open as a warm hand pressed against his cheek and the moment he saw her beautiful eyes looking into his he felt ten times better. "You... you could have died tonight, Beth. You could have died and it would have been all my fault."

"No." She said placing a finger over his lips. "It would not have been your fault. It was my fault. I was the one that was stupid enough to walk out into the street without looking both ways. Hell, we learned that when we were in preschool and yet tonight I didn't practice it. If that car had hit me it would have been my fault and my fault only."

He shook his head then captured her hand with his, lowering it from his mouth and holding it to his chest, pulling her closer to him as he did so. "It was my fault. If I hadn't kissed you and said the things I said to you then... then you wouldn't have walked out of the bar and you wouldn't have forgotten to look both ways."

"How do you know?" She asked arching a brow at him. "I was the one that walked out of that bar. I was the one that didn't look where I was going. I could very well have done the same thing any day of the week."

"Not true." He said letting go of her hand and placing his at her waist. "Because any other day of the week, I would not have said the things I said to you and I would not have kissed you either."

She shook her head then leaned in until their lips where just an inch apart. "I got news for you, slugger, the things you said to me didn't upset me nearly as much as I pretended they did."

"They didn't?" He asked searching her eyes.

"No," She replied breaking out into a wide smile. "they didn't. I wanted to get you out of the bar so I could get you back here and the only way to do that was to -"

"Was to what? Fake a few tears? Make me feel like an even bigger bastard than I already did so that I would come out after you? That about sum it up?" She frowned at his words, but he could see in her eyes that he was right. The tears had been fake, he thought letting go of her hand and scooting out from between her and the car. Dammit, she knew how upset he was and she knew what her tears would do to him.

He shook his head at her having played him for a fool then turned and walked up the sidewalk toward his room, fishing in his pocket for his keys along the way. He heard the soft fall of her footsteps behind him, but he didn't stop and turn around. He just continued walking until he reached the door of his room then fittled with the keys in his hand until he found the right one and stuck it in the lock.

His hand circled the knob to open the door then cursed when the door stuck. He let out a frustrated sigh then put his shoulder against the door and used his body to force it open. It gave way instantly and caused him to stumble over the small step. He turned as he cleared the door and wasn't at all surprised to see Beth standing there looking at him, the laughter that had been in her eyes earlier giving way to sadness, sadness he knew he had caused.

He ran a hand over the back of his neck then slid out of his jacket and carelessly tossed it onto the bed. He turned around before she could say anything then made his way over to the mini fridge and grabbed out a cold beer, twisting the cap off and taking a good swig, before turning back around to face her. "Thanks for bringing me home. You were right. I'd much rather spend Christmas Eve here than at the bar listening to Jack's list of reasons for why I shouldn't be there. This is so much better."

"Stop it." She replied as she finally walked inside the room and slammed the door shut behind her. She quickly removed her jacket then threw it over his on the bed and placed her hands on her hips and pierced him with a glare. "I am not going to let you do this, Hank. You are not going to spend Christmas alone, I don't care if I have to stay here all damn night!"

"Suit yourself." He said with a shrug as he turned toward the bed and lowered himself onto it, stretching his legs out across the mattress as his back leaned against the headboard. "There's more beer in the fridge if you want one."

"Dammit Hank!" She whispered furiously as she marched across the room and grabbed the beer out of his hand. "I only wanted to get you out of the bar because I know how much your family means to you and I know it was killing you to be there and not with them. If you want to make me feel bad for how I got you out of there then fine I do. I didn't mean to trick you and make you feel worse. I wanted to... I wanted to help you. It's Christmas and you should be with people that care about you."

He leaned toward her so he could grab his beer out of her hand but she pulled her arm back out of his reach, his hand landing at her waist instead. He looked up at her and saw her eyes widen then a fraction of a second later, she let out a startled yelp as he pulled her onto the bed with him causing his beer to fall to the floor when she dropped it.

Her hands landed on his upper arms and one of her legs fell between his, the other one dangled off the side. His eyes flew to hers and he sucked in a deep breath when he realized just how close her face was. Her lips were less than a half-inch from his own and all he had to do was lean in just a tad and he would be kissing her again. He licked his lips at the same time she did then groaned when the end of their tongues lightly hit against one another, the sudden contact startling them both and causing Beth's hand to slip from his shoulder, bringing her lips to his.

He heard her moan as his lips moved across her own, devouring its softness, then unable to stop himself, he raised a hand to the back of her head and parted her lips with his tongue, deepening the kiss the way he wanted to earlier tonight. She gripped his arm tightly causing her nails to dig into his flesh, but she didn't break the kiss - she returned it.

He felt the hand that had slid off his arm only moments before slide underneath his head and he groaned when her fingers began to stroke the nape of his neck, causing tiny shockwaves to shoot through his body. He ran a hand caressingly over her lower back then unable to stop himself he raised it higher, freezing when he suddenly encountered bare skin. His heart began to beat erratically in his chest, but he didn't have time to focus on that or the way her skin felt beneath his hand because her tongue suddenly found its way inside his mouth and began to entice his own to a duel, igniting the passion within him to a fever pitch.

He slipped his tongue across her lips then backed it back out and took her bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on it until she quivered above him. She was responsive, he thought walking two fingers up her spine and smiling against her lips when she trembled. He flexed his fingers until his palm lay flat against her back then froze when her hands moved from his hair to his chest and she pulled back away from him.

He opened his eyes and got lost in the deep brown depths of hers. "Someone is at the door."

"What?" He asked staring up at her in confusion. He didn't hear... A knock sounded on the door and he turned toward the sound then froze when he heard Grace's tentative voice call out his name. "Damn."

"Hank?" Grace called out through the thick wood of the door. "I know you said you weren't going to spend Christmas with us, but... but Sam, the girls, and I would really like it if changed your mind and came over. Beth too."

Hank glanced back at Beth then shook his head when she raised a brow at him. She frowned in response then before he could stop her she crawled off him and walked over to the door to pull it open. "Grace, give us ten minutes and we will BOTH be there."

"That's great!" He heard his sister-in-law say. "Thank you. Christmas just wouldn't be the same without him."

"We'll be over in a few." Beth replied casting a quick warning glance back at him before turning back around to Grace. He heard Grace whisper something then eyed Beth curiously when she shook her head then shut the door and turned around, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"What?" He asked sitting up and sliding his feet over the side of the bed, his shoes falling in the beer still seeping its way into the carpet. "What did she say to you?"

"Nothing." Beth replied averting her eyes and stepping toward the bed, grabbing both of their jackets and throwing his to him as she began to put hers on. "Come on, if we don't get over there all the eggnog will be gone."

"I don't want any damn eggnog!" He said throwing his jacket onto the bed and walking toward her, taking her by the arms and making her face him. "Obviously whatever Grace whispered upset you so you can either tell me what it is or I can go over there and ask Grace herself."

He watched her take a deep breath then frowned when she averted her eyes again. He shook his head then raised a hand to her chin and gently brought her eyes back to his. "What did she say?"

"She said..." Beth stopped and shook her head then in one breath rushed out the words that stopped his heart from beating. "She said we're absolutely perfect for each other and that she always knew we'd get together some day."

He stood there frozen unable to say anything as Beth turned on her heels and walked to the door then threw it open and walked outside, not even bothering to look back to see if he was following her. He took a deep breath then quickly pulled on his coat and followed her out the door, shutting it with a little more force than necessary as went.

What in the world made Grace think he and Beth were perfect for each other? He was a total screw up and Beth... and Beth wasn't, he thought shaking his head. They were perfect as friends sure, but she deserved a hell of a lot better than a guy like him in her life. She deserved... she deserved a guy like Luis, a guy who was worthy of a woman like Beth's love. But not him. He would only end up disappointing her and breaking her heart. Just like he had disappointed and broken the heart of everyone else that had ever cared about him.

* * * * *

Beth ran a hand through her jet black hair then glanced over at Hank who was bending down to pickup the Christmas present Jessica and Kay designated he could open. He lifted the small square package to his ear then shook it and seemed to be trying to hold back a smile at the sound it made. His dark brown eyes danced with laughter and she knew without a doubt she had made the right decision in getting him out of the bar to come back here.

This was where he belonged, she thought smiling as he finally tore into the package and opened it to reveal a cd of some sort, he belonged with his family, the people that loved him unconditionally. She knew he didn't believe that, but she knew it was true. He could screw up a thousand times, but his brother would never really disown him no matter what he said before. He couldn't. There was too much love between them.

Her smile froze on her lips as Hank suddenly glanced up from the newly opened cd in his hands and their brown eyes met across the room. She remembered staring into those eyes after their... well whatever the hell that was on his bed... and thinking she could get lost in them. They seemed deeper than they had before, almost as if a door had been opened, a door that led to some mysterious place that she had always wondered about but never dared to try to find.

She wasn't entirely sure what had happened between her and Hank on that bed. One minute she was standing holding his beer in her hand and the next she was falling on top of him and the beer fell to the floor, the liquid seeping into the beige carpet. She remembered staring down into his eyes and thinking about how she had never seen that look in his eyes before then she had licked her lips and the next thing she knew they were kissing each other like... like lovers kissed. But they weren't lovers. They were friends.

But friends didn't go around kissing each other they way she and Hank had tonight and they certainly didn't want to do it again. She swallowed hard as she realized that was indeed what she wanted to do. She wanted to feel his lips on hers again and she couldn't figure out the reason why. She hadn't thought about kissing Hank since high school and the only time she had thought of it then was when Sarah Jamison kissed Luis and it pissed her off so bad she wanted to get back at them both. She had seen Hank shortly after witnessing the kiss and had begged him to kiss her, but he wouldn't. He'd told her it was wrong and he wouldn't do something she would only regret later. She'd been pissed at him for days after that, but then she realized he was right and had thanked him for knowing that and for being such a great friend to her.

"Beth?" Hank asked softly as he kneeled in front of her place on the couch and broke her train of thought. "You okay?"

She nodded then lowered her eyes to the cd in his hand and reached out to turn it over that she could see what it was. Her fingers accidentally brushed against his and she sucked in a deep breath at the sudden unexpected sensation that shot up her arm. Her eyes flew to his and the moment she looked into his eyes, she knew he felt it to. She could see it in the way his eyes darkened to a deeper shade of brown, not much deeper but deep enough that she noticed the change immediately.

She let out the breath she wasn't aware she was holding then forced her eyes back to the cd in his hand so she could read the lettering written on it. She stared at it a moment totally perplexed then raised her eyes to look at Hank. "Kenny Wayne Shephard?"

"Yes, Kenny Wayne Shephard." Hank said his brow raised slightly. "Don't tell me you don't know who Kenny Wayne Shephard is?"

"No, I know him. I have the same cd at home." She smiled at him when he seemed surprised by her admission. "What did I surprise you?"

He shook his head then grinned at her. "You always manage to surprise me, Beth."

She stared at him for a heartbeat, wondering about the sudden gleam in his eye but he broke the connection and stood before she could figure out what it was. She felt a blush creep up her cheeks when her eyes connected with his zipper then looked away praying he didn't notice.

When she finally managed to raise her head, she found Hank looking at her, his brow raised slightly. Oh god, had he seen her? Just thinking he had made her blush ten times more and she closed her eyes then turned slightly to look out the window.

A second later, his warm breath hit her ear and his soft-spoken words caused her to blush even more. "Blushing becomes you, sweetheart."

She swallowed hard then closed her eyes as his hand lightly ran over her back and his lips softly brushed against her cheek. "I'm going to go get us some eggnog."

She nodded absently as he moved back away from her then turned just as he disappeared into the kitchen. Something was different between them. The touch of his hand or the brush of his lips against her cheek never affected her this way before, but now... now it was affecting her in all the right places and a few wrong ones too. But damned if she knew what she was going to do about it.

Chapter Three

Hank pushed open the kitchen door then ran a hand over his face as the door silently swung shut behind him. It was getting a little hot in that living room and it had nothing to do with the fact that his brother had a fire going in the fireplace. No, it was hot because of the woman in the other room that had been giving his libido one hell of a work out over the last two hours.

It was bad enough that her kisses were playing in his head like a broken record, but to have her staring at him with those passionate brown eyes of hers and then have her blush when he caught her... Well it was damn near killing him yet he knew it shouldn't be. They were friends and while things had gotten a little heated between them tonight, he knew it didn't mean a damn thing. As soon as they got out of here, she would leave and go back to Boston while he stayed here to enjoy Christmas with his family.

He frowned at the thought then shook his head and forced himself to walk over to the counter where the punch bowl full of eggnog sat and pour him and Beth two cups. What was going on with him tonight? First, he kissed Beth in the bar and tried to scare the hell out of her by suggesting they sleep together then he pulled her on top of him and basically tried to start what he suggested and now he's wishing she would spend Christmas with him instead of going to Boston to spend it with her mother, which is exactly where she should be?

Wasn't he a selfish bastard? The only reason he wanted Beth here was because she made him forget how bad of a screw up he was. She made him forget there was a woman lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life while his best friend sat by her bedside and prayed to god she'd wake up again. But he shouldn't be allowed to forget, he thought staring down at the two cups of eggnog he just poured and not seeing them at all, he should be reminded of the pain he'd caused every day for the rest of his life. He should be reminded because a woman could lose her life and if she did, it would be all his fault.

He smelled her perfume before he felt her hand touch his shoulder and the only thing he could do was turn around and pull her into his arms, selfishly taking the comfort that she gave him. "If Sheridan dies..."

"She won't." Beth stated tightening her arms around him. "She's going to be just fine. You wait and see."

"But if she isn't -"

"It isn't your fault!" She whispered pulling back to stare into his eyes, hers full of determination and strength, strength he so desperately wanted to feel right now. "You did everything you could to save her life. The plan you came up with was a good one and would have worked had those two French goons not got wind of it."

"Would have, but didn't and because of my failed plan, Sheridan may die." He pulled out of her arms and turned his back on her, unable to take staring into her eyes a moment longer. "How will I live with myself if she dies? How will I ever look at Luis again knowing I'm the reason the woman he loves is dead?"

Hank flinched when he realized what he said then turned to look at Beth. Tears glistened in her eyes and he felt lower than he had ever felt in his life. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... Dammit!" He swore jamming a hand through his hair. "I can't do anything right!"

"Hank," Beth said as she grabbed his arm and turned him around to face her. "Sheridan is not dead nor will she die, but even if she did, it would not be your fault! She agreed to the plan, she knew the risks beforehand and she still decided to go through with it. It was her decision, Hank, hers!"

"But I talked her into." He said averting his eyes from hers, afraid she would finally see what a lowlife he really was. "I talked her into something that could very well kill her. I minimized the risks involved and because she trusted me she went along with it. She trusted me, Beth, she placed her life in my hands and what did I do? I allowed her to be buried alive so we could catch the bad guys only the bad guys ended up catching us."

Beth raised a hand to his cheek causing his eyes to dart back to hers. "You did not nor could you have known what was going to happen. If you had you would have never presented the plan to Sheridan in the first place. Something went wrong, but - "

"Yeah something went wrong alright. I screwed up just like always only this time my screw up placed an innocent woman on death's doorstep." He closed his eyes as an image of Sheridan's lifeless body being lifted out of the coffin flashed in his mind then shook his head and opened his eyes, backing away from Beth when her hand began to caress his cheek. "Don't feel sorry for me, Beth. I deserve the misery I'm in and in this case misery does not love company."

That said he turned out his heel and made his way out the back door. The cold December air hit him in the face, but he didn't stop or slow his stride as he walked the path to the B & B. In fact, he didn't stop until he reached the door to his room and he only stopped then because he had to reach in his pocket for his keys so he could unlock the door.

He heard Beth call out his name, but he didn't answer her. He just fiddled with the keys until he found the right one then he unlocked the door and threw it open. He glanced around the room once then having already made up his mind before he had even stepped out of Sam and Grace's kitchen, he walked to his closet and grabbed out his black leather bag then began to pull clothes off the hangers and push them inside the bag.

He heard Beth enter the room, but he didn't stop what he was doing nor did he turn around to look at her. He had stayed in Harmony a lot longer than he had planned to, which was by his estimation the first screw up he made since leaving Europe, thinking his dirty deeds in his past were behind him.

He shook his head then froze when one of Beth's hands curved around his shoulder and pulled him back until she could stand in front of him. He glanced into her eyes, but looked away quickly, not able to take seeing the disappointment in them. "Move Beth. I need to finish packing so I can get out of here."

"So you can run you mean." She raised her hands to his chest then pushed him out of the closet and back into the room. "There is no way I'm going to let you leave."

He snorted in disbelief then pulled her hands away from him and gently pushed her out of the way so he could grab more clothes. "You can't stop me, Beth. I'm leaving. I never intended to stay in Harmony this long. I was only going to stay long enough to build up my nest egg and then I planned to leave. Hell, I never should have come back here in the first place. I should have stayed gone. Everyone would have been better off without me here."

"You're wrong." She whispered sadly. "Everyone is happy that you're home. This is where you belong, Hank. You belong with family and people who love you."

"No I don't. I don't belong here." He said flatly as he pulled more clothes out and stuffed them into his bag. There were a few more shirts and things hanging up, but he didn't need them so he just backed out of the closet and walked into the bathroom to grab his toiletry kit. He stuffed it into his bag then walked back out of the bathroom and headed toward his dresser so he could finish packing the rest of his things. He sat the bag on top of the dresser while he opened the drawers and pulled his socks and underwear out and began to stuff them into his bag as well.

"Hank, what about Luis? If he loses Sheridan he's going to need you. You're his best friend."

He shook his head then slammed the dresser drawer shut and zipped his bag. "I lost the right to say that the day I came up with the plan that more than likely is going to take the life of the woman he loves. He's not going to need me around to remind him. He's going to blame me for losing her and you know, he'd be right."

"So where will you go?" She asked as he finally turned around to face her. "Where will you go to try and escape the guilt that you know damn well is going to follow you? It will follow you until you realize it's not your guilt to have."

"It is my guilt. I did this. This is MY fault." He jammed a finger to his chest then shook his head and reached down to pick up the bag off his dresser and looked around the room to make sure he didn't forget anything. When he found nothing, he turned his attention to Beth, raising his free hand to wipe the tears traveling down her cheeks. "I know you don't understand, but I have to go. I can't... I can't stay here, Beth. I can't stay here and look into the eyes of my best friend knowing that I killed the woman he loved. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough to do that."

"You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." Beth said raising her hand to cover his that still rested against her cheek. "You may not think you are, but I know you are."

"You always gave me far more credit than I deserved." He whispered as he pulled his hand out from under hers and walked toward the open door. "I'm gonna walk to the bus station. The cold air will do me good."

"If you think I'm just going to let you walk the streets of Harmony in this weather you are out of your mind. I am going into Boston anyway so if I can't change your mind then the least I can do is take you to the airport."

"Are you sure?" He asked turning around to search her chocolate colored eyes. "I mean -"

"I'm sure." She said walking toward him and linking her arm through his free one. "Let's go put that bag in the car then you can go tell Sam and Grace goodbye."

"No." He said shaking his head as he turned out the lights, shrouding them both in darkness. "I'll call Sam once I get to where I'm going. He's used to me just taking off and with any luck he won't even realize I'm gone until late tomorrow."

"Hank -"

"No." He said interrupting her before she could finish whatever she had been about to say. "It's better this way. It will be easier on everyone if I just leave, no messy goodbyes to drag things out longer than they need to be drug out."

He led Beth out the door then untangled his arm from hers and locked the door, before pulling it closed behind him. The door shut with a quiet barely audible click, but that click was magnified in his head as if it were blaring out from loud speakers at some football game. It was the sound of goodbye, he thought shaking his head as he forced himself to turn and walk toward Beth's car.

He took comfort in the fact that Beth was walking beside him. She may not agree with his decision to leave, but at least she would be there when he left. At least this time, he'd get to say goodbye to her.

God, he thought frowning as he opened the passengers side door, how was he going to say goodbye to her? He'd never been able to before, which was the whole damn reason he had never told her he was leaving in the first place. He glanced at her over the hood of her car and as their eyes connected and he saw the sadness in them he almost told her he changed his mind, that he was going to stay, but then he realized he couldn't do that. It was better for everyone if he left, including her.

He gave himself a mental shake then leaned down and climbed inside the small car. He shoved his bag into the backseat then sighed as he situated himself in his seat and shut the door. He pulled his seat belt over his waist then locked it into place and waited for Beth to start the car. He watched her get in and shut her door then sucked in a deep breath when she placed her keys in the ignition and began to turn the key, a part of him wished the car wouldn't start while another part was extremely relieved that it did.

* * * * *

Beth heard the engine start then glanced over at Hank to find him running a hand over his unshaven face. She had never seen him this bad before. She'd seen him upset with himself over a number of different things over the years, but she'd never seen anything get to him the way this was. She knew it stemmed from what Sam had said to him and also the pain he'd seen in Luis' eyes, but she also knew that whatever thoughts were going through his head right now, they were ten times worse than any of the thoughts that Sam and Luis had over the last few days combined.

He was always the worst on himself. It didn't matter what anyone else said to him, because in his head it was always worse. He thought he lacked some gene that Sam had that kept him from being a screw up. Beth had tried to tell him numerous times that genes had nothing to do with it that it was the self-recrimination that kept him from doing the great things she knew he was capable of, but he didn't believe her. In his mind he was a screw up and once a screw up...always a screw up, she thought with a sigh.

She shook her head then reached over to put the car in gear. As she did she heard Hank suck in a deep breath and the sound had her swinging her gaze in his direction again. "You okay, Hank?"

"Yeah," He whispered as he turned toward her. "I'm fine."

She nodded then removed her hand knowing he was lying, but also knowing he didn't want to talk about things right now. He was too busy berating himself. She gave herself a mental shake then slowly backed out of the driveway, put the car in drive, and headed out. She knew he wasn't going to change his mind about getting out of Harmony, but maybe once they got to Boston she could change his mind about leaving the country again. Maybe she could talk him into staying with her and her mom for the holidays. If she couldn't, she was fairly certain her mother could.

She smiled at that then sighed when she realized she would have to try and come up with some excuse as to why she needed to stop of at her mothers place before taking him to the airport. It had to be a good enough excuse too, because otherwise he'd never go for it. He'd see right through her and then he'd be on the next plane out of Boston. Her heart hurt just thinking of saying goodbye to him. She'd never had to before because he'd always just left without even telling her. He'd call her up whenever he got to where he was going and apologize for not having the guts to tell her goodbye in person.

She supposed she was lucky he was going to do it this time, but then he didn't really have a choice considering she'd been there when he made the decision. There was no way he could have left without her knowing this time and it gave her hope that maybe she would be able to change his mind. If he had truly been in a mindset to leave, he wouldn't have allowed her to see him pack. He would have waited until she left and then he would have been gone. He wouldn't have given her the chance to change his mind.

But he was giving her the chance this time, even if he didn't know it, and she was going to use that chance. She was going to use it and she was going to change his mind. There was no way she would let him leave the country with that bag of guilt he had sitting on his shoulders. It just wasn't going to happen.

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What Are Friends For Ch 1 - 3	OKDeanna	8/21/03 9:11 pm
What Are Friends For Ch 4-7	OKDeanna	8/21/03 9:14 pm

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