twister
Registered User
Posts: 581
(3/12/06 6:23 am)
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alcohol
>
>>Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
>>I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
>>about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams
>>If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of! work and their
>>dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I
>>drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and
>>worry about my liver."
>>~ Jack Handy
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
>>hell happened to your bra and panties.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
>>morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
>>~Frank Sinatra
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
>>are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
>>~ Henny Youngman
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
>>laughing WITH you.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
>>I think not."
>>~ Stephen Wright
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
>>~ Benjamin Franklin
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
>>a retard.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
>>beer. Oh, I grant you that the !
>>wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as
>>well with pizza."
>>~ Dave Barry
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
>>over and over again that you love them.
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
>>~ Dave Howell
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
>>logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
>>One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theor
>>y to his buddy Norm.
>>Here's how it went:
>>
>>
>>"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
>>as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
>>slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This
>>natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
>>speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
>>killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain
>>can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake
>>of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks
>>the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
>>consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the
>>brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel
>>smarter after a few beers."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
>>whispering when you are not.
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