Too Hot To Handle Ch 21-25

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Subject: Too Hot To Handle Ch 21-25
Posted By: OKDeanna - ezOP
Posts: 307
Posted At: (8/21/03 8:32 pm)
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Chapter Twenty - One

Sheridan could see the fierce determination in Luis’ deep brown gaze and knew that he wasn’t going to let the matter drop. He wasn’t going to give up until he heard the whole story about why she was leaving, but that was a story she did not want to tell. If she did it would open up a can of worms she wasn’t particularly interested in seeing again. But she obviously had to tell him something. And she had no clue as to what that something was going to be.

She couldn’t tell him about what her father threatened to do because though she didn’t know Luis well, she knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t feel threatened by what her father said. In fact, he would tell her to let him do it. But she couldn’t do that. She knew her father wouldn’t hesitate to blackball Luis’ father’s construction company if his father didn’t’ fire him and there was no way she wanted that on her conscience. No, the best thing for her to do was to go back to New York. Now all she had to do was to convince Luis that was the best thing for her to do. But how was she going to convince him? She only knew one way and she wasn’t sure she could bring herself to do that.

She felt the tears start to sting her eyes again and she tried to turn away before they fell, but Luis caught her by the arms and refused to let her go. She struggled in his grip, but the more she struggled the tighter he held her. When she finally relaxed, he pulled her tight against his chest and rubbed his hands over her back. She let him hold her as the tears started to fall again and then when she was sure he had relaxed against her enough, she broke free of his arms and backed a safe distance away.

He started to walk toward her but she held out her hand and he stopped midstride. When she met his eyes again and saw the genuine concern that lit them, she made a decision. She now knew what she had to do. It would be the hardest thing she had ever done, but she had no choice. She had to do it. There was just no other alternative.

* * * * *

Luis knew the moment she made the decision. Her whole demeanor changed. It was as if a switch had been flipped and all the sadness left her body and was now replaced with some emotion he wasn’t quite sure he liked. In fact, he was almost sure he didn’t. The woman standing in front of him now was definitely not one he’d seen before. She wasn’t the woman he first met or the woman he’d taken to bed barely even a week ago. No, this woman was a stranger to him and he certainly didn’t like the feelings it caused within him. She was shutting him out and that bothered him. It bothered him a hell of a lot more than it should have.

What was it about Sheridan Crane that got to him? It wasn’t just her looks, because although she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, that was not what drew him to her. It went deeper than that. Much deeper. If he was entirely honest with himself he knew his feelings for her went way beyond what he had originally planned. He’d thought a few nights of hot sex would be enough to get her out of his system, but they’d only had one night and it had been hot enough for him to know that he would never tire of her being beside him. He could still see her lying in the bed beside him… fast asleep. He could see the way her blond hair looked as it rested against the white pillows. He couldn’t remember ever watching a woman sleep before but he had her. And he’d enjoyed it. He had enjoyed watching her take a breath and sigh at something in her dreams. He had enjoyed watching the smile that crept across her face as he’d brushed a lock of hair back away from her face. He’d never felt the emotions he felt in that moment before – not even with Beth.

He would never admit it to anyone, but Miguel had been right. She did scare him. She scared the hell out of him. It wasn’t so much her as it was the emotions he felt for her. They went so deep and they were so intense. Much more intense than his feelings for Beth had been. Maybe that had to do with the type of person Sheridan was. She was intensely passionate and that was the same way he felt about her. His feelings for Beth didn’t even come close to what he felt for Sheridan as he’d watched her sleep or tonight as he watched her leave the restaurant in tears. His heart had ached for her.

He had told himself she didn’t have a hold on him. That what he felt for her wasn’t love, but lust. And he knew, even as he said it that he was lying. He knew what lust felt like and what he felt for Sheridan went way beyond that. He had thought he knew what love felt like but he’d been wrong about that too. What he felt for Beth may have been love but it wasn’t the kind of love he felt for Sheridan. No, he had merely loved Beth, but he knew without a doubt in his mind that he was IN love with Sheridan. There was no denying that now.

As he looked into her blue eyes, all the love he felt for her came rushing forward and he knew there was no way he could handle her leaving. He considered himself to be a strong man, a man’s man, but there was no way his heart could bare the pain that saying goodbye to her would cause. No way at all.

* * * * *

Sheridan noticed the sudden change in Luis’ brown eyes and wondered what had caused it. He was looking at her as if he had never seen her before and it was making her slightly nervous. Then again just having him near made her nervous. Having him so close muddled her thinking. He was just entirely too hot to handle. He made her lose her focus and right now that wasn’t a good thing. She had to be strong right now, because if she lost it again she’d never get through what she was about to say. What she had to say.

“Luis,” she said in a voice she scarcely recognized. “I have to –“

That was as far as she got before his lips covered hers in a passionate kiss. A kiss unlike any other she’d had before. This one caused her limbs to go limp, her body to ache, and her brain to short circuit. This one wasn’t just a kiss, there was emotions behind it – hers and his. But she couldn’t let her emotions get involved because that would only lead to more heartache than she was prepared to handle.

Showing more strength than she thought possible given the way his kisses made her feel, she shoved him away from her. His dark eyes opened and locked onto hers. They were filled with surprise - and desire. She bit the inside of her lip to keep from begging him to take her back in his arms and make her forget what she knew she had to do. She didn’t want to do it, but she had to. For his sake as well as her own, she had to say goodbye. It was the only way to stop the roller coaster that had suddenly become her life.

“Don’t do it.” Luis whispered placing his right hand against her left cheek and caressing her cheekbone with his thumb. “Don’t say goodbye, Sheridan. I don’t want you to go.”

Tears climbed down her cheeks and traveled toward where his palm rested against her cheek. He raised his other hand to cup her face, then swiped her tears away with his thumbs and locked his eyes onto hers. As she looked into his dark eyes and saw the deep-rooted emotion in them, she knew that walking away from him was going to be a lot harder than she first thought. But she still had to do it. She took a deep breath then stepped back away from him and closed her eyes to block out the hurt in his. When she opened them again, he was still looking at her, but his eyes no longer held the emotions they had a few minutes ago. Now they were closed off and she wasn’t prepared for the sudden sense of loss that sliced through her heart.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she stared into his dark eyes. “I have to go. I don’t belong in Harmony. I never should have come here. It was a mistake to come here.“

“A mistake?” He asked not bothering to hide the surprise and hurt he felt. “Do you mean what happened between us was a mistake? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“No, I’m not saying what happened between us was a mistake. We both knew what we wanted before it happened. Since it was just sex and we both agreed that was what we wanted, it couldn’t have been a mistake. Right?”

“Just sex.” He repeated shaking his head as if he didn’t quite believe what she said. Why? They had both agreed they weren’t looking for anything serious so why was he suddenly acting as if she’d just slapped him in the face. Didn’t he think it was just sex?

“Luis –“

“No.” He said cutting her off. “You’re right. It couldn’t have been a mistake because sex was all we wanted and the sex was good so…” He stopped and shook his head then a split second later, he gave her a killer grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “The sex was better than good and I hope we can have a repeat performance before you leave on Sunday.” He walked toward her and took her gently by the arms then placed a light kiss against her lips. “What do you say sweetheart? How ‘bout you come back to my apartment with me and we have a little fun before you leave?”

She sucked in a deep breath as one of his hands covered her breast then gently began to knead it into arousal. It didn’t take long. “Luis.” She moaned as his other hand stole it’s way down her backside and pulled her closer so that she was smack up against the evidence of his desire. She knew he was doing this because he was angry with her, she could feel it in the way he was holding back. Oh, he wasn’t holding back his passion and desire for her. No, he was holding back his emotions from her. He was trying to tell her something, but her senses were on overload and she didn’t quite comprehend it.

Maybe he was right. Maybe they could have a repeat performance and then she could say goodbye. One more night of hot sex with Luis couldn’t hurt anything could it? They’d already done the deed once so one more night shouldn’t make much difference. Right? Right, she thought placing her hands on his broad shoulders then sliding them upward to run her hands through his thick black hair. One more night wouldn’t make a damned bit of difference in the long run so why should she deny herself and him one last night of passion? She shouldn’t and she wasn’t going to.

“Okay.” She whispered against his cheek before taking his earlobe gently between her teeth. “One more night.”

She felt Luis stiffen and wondered why. He’d just said he wanted one more night with her. Why did he act as if her agreement bothered him? She pulled back to look at him and when she saw the anger in his eyes she knew - he hadn’t been serious. She backed away out of his arms then wrapped her own around her midriff. Fighting back tears, she forced herself to look at him. He stood ramrod straight with his hands bunched into fists at his side. His jaw was clenched and his eyes blazed. What had she done to cause the anger she saw in him? All she had done was agree to his request. Why did that make him angry? Suddenly, her mind played an image of his face when he’d said her full name upon climaxing and she knew. It hadn’t been just sex to him. Other images flashed in her mind and one by one they all said the same thing, Luis had thought what happened between them was more than just sex, but how much more? And how could she find out without having to tell him how she felt about the night they shared?

Chapter Twenty – Two

Luis knew he needed to calm down, but his Irish temper was getting the better of him. For the second time in his life, he'd broken his own rules. He’d let himself get emotionally involved with a woman and now he was once again paying the price. She may not have cheated on him like Beth had, but her cavalier attitude about their relationship hurt just the same. Sure they had both agreed up front that they wanted a no strings attached affair, but he’d thought after the incredible night they’d shared that she knew that what happened between them had been more than just sex. But apparently she didn’t know and thanks to her whispered agreement to his jackass suggestion, he now knew what a fool he was in thinking it had meant more.

Luis turned from the image of her tear-stained face and stared off into the distance wondering how in the hell he’d let himself fall in love with her. He’d promised himself after his disastrous relationship with Beth that he wouldn’t ever give another woman his heart, but his heart hadn’t lasted five minutes alone with Sheridan Crane. He had taken one look at her and dove right in. Now he was treading in water up to his eyebrows and there was no way out. It was either sink or swim and right now he was sinking. He was sinking into the pain that he was sure would forever be his home.

“Luis?” Sher called from behind him. “Please say something.”

What was he supposed to say? Her words of agreement to another night of hot meaningless sex pretty much said it all. Meaningless to her not to him. Damn, what a predicament he’d gotten himself into. He’d spent the last couple of years, since his breakup with Beth, avoiding getting emotionally involved with a woman and then he met Sher. She was unlike any woman he had ever met before. She said what she wanted… she went after what she wanted and to him that was the biggest turn on of all. She didn’t keep her feelings hidden and that was why he knew that what happened between them meant nothing to her. She had said it was just sex and she meant it. If she hadn’t meant it, there was no way she would have agreed to what he had proposed. In all likelihood, she would have slapped him and he would have deserved it.

“Luis?” She asked again this time her voice sounding a little closer than before. She placed a hand on his back and he felt the heat from her skin through his black shirt. He was surprised he wasn’t on fire. She was the only woman that affected him this way. No one in his life had ever gotten to him the way she did and he knew no one else ever could.

Shaking himself from the direction his thoughts had gone, he took a step forward then turned back around to face her. His eyes met hers and he was surprised to find tears trickling silently down her cheeks. The ache in his chest got tighter and it was all he could do not to walk toward her and take her into his arms. But he couldn’t do that. It would only hurt that much more when she walked away and he had absolutely no doubt that she would walk away. She’d already told him as much.

“Sher –“

“Luis –“ she said simultaneously. She shook her head then cast her eyes toward the ground. “Go ahead.”

“Tell me why.” He asked with a slight begging tone in his voice, a begging tone he inwardly cursed himself for using. He couldn’t remember ever in his life begging anyone for anything. “Tell me why you’re leaving. I at least deserve to know that much.”

The second the words were out of his mouth, Sheridan’s eyes flew to his in surprise. He had shocked her. He could see it on her face. For once, she actually looked kind of speechless. That fact would have made him laugh had it been under entirely different circumstances.

He watched as she took a deep breath then let out a curse when she closed her eyes and tried to shut him out. He’d be damned if he’d let get away with it though. He wanted some answers and he wasn’t leaving until he got them. He walked toward her and placed a finger under her chin then forced her to look him in the eyes. “Tell me Sheridan. Tell me why you’re leaving. Tell me why you’re saying goodbye.”

“I… I can’t.” She whispered as the tears continued to slide down her cheeks. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why?” He asked moving his hand to her cheek and wiping away her tears. “Why can’t you tell me? Don’t I deserve to know?”

She shook her head. “The reason doesn’t matter Luis.”

“Yes, it does.” He said taking her face in his hands and forcing her to meet his eyes. “It matters to me, Sheridan. It matters to me.”

“Why?” She asked her blue tear filled eyes searching his. “Why is the reason so important to you? What difference could it possibly make to you?”

How in the hell was he supposed to answer that? If he told her the real reason, then he’d be setting himself up for a rejection. But if he gave her a reason other than the real one, he would feel as if he was lying to her and he did not want that. He did not want to lie to her. He just wanted her to talk to him. He wanted her to open up to him. Why couldn’t she do that? Why couldn’t she just open up to him and tell him what was really going on? He really wanted to know. No, he didn’t just want to know… he needed to know. “It makes a big difference because… because I know that you really don’t want to leave. I can see it in your eyes, Sheridan. It’s written all over your face. You don’t want to leave Harmony.”

“And why is how I feel about leaving Harmony so important to you, Luis? What difference does how I feel about leaving Harmony mean to you?”

“I… I care about you.” Luis said his voice slightly cracking on the words. “Is that what you want to hear? I care about you and I don’t want you to go.”

He waited for her to respond… to say something, anything, but she didn’t. She didn’t say a word. She just looked at him with eyes that showed him nothing, but told him all he needed to know. He released her in a flash then turned and without another word, he walked away. He wasn’t going to give her another chance to hurt him. It was time for him to take a hint and this time he’d gotten it loud and clear. She wanted him in her bed, but she didn’t want him anywhere near her heart and he would never, not in a million years, admit how much that fact hurt. It hurt a hell of a lot more than he would have thought possible, which only went to show that love caused nothing but heartache.

He had been right to steer clear of it and he would have kept clear of it, had a certain blond not walked into his life and stolen his heart right out from under him. She should be arrested, he thought as he unlocked his truck and threw open the door, stealing something that didn’t belong to you was after all a crime. He wondered if that law pertained to crimes of the heart? Somehow he doubted he would find it in any of Antonio’s law books and it really should be in there, he thought bitterly as he put the key into his truck’s ignition and started the motor, after all, crimes of the heart often caused the most damage. At least, they did in his experience anyway.

* * * * *

Sheridan wanted to call after Luis and tell him to wait, but she didn’t. She simply stood where she was, her feet glued to the ground, and watched him walk away into the darkness. If he had looked back he would have seen her fall to her knees and bury her face in her hands, but he didn’t. He didn’t look back and she couldn’t blame him. She had hurt him tonight. She had seen it in his eyes and yet she hadn’t been able to say a word to ease the pain. Her throat had been too tight with raw emotion to get a word past her lips.

“I care about you and I don’t want you to go.”

Luis had no idea how much hearing those words meant to her and she could never tell him. She could never tell him how she really felt about him because that would give him the power to hurt her and she swore a long time ago that she would never give anyone that kind of power over her. But she had come close to telling him tonight and that was the reason she had to go. She couldn’t take the chance of allowing him access to her heart, because in the end he would break it, just like Theresa said. He may care about her, but he could never love her. His heart was off-limits. He had told her that much himself.

He had put himself on the line tonight, she had seen what it cost him to open up even that little bit, and what had she done? She’d done nothing, thereby basically telling him whatever he felt was one sided. It wasn’t, but she couldn’t allow herself to fall in love with him. Love hurt too much. She’d learned that the hard way.

Sheridan heard someone call her name and she’d just managed to pull herself up into a standing position when Ethan came into view. “I saw Luis getting into his truck and he told me where to find you. He said you were upset. I told him he didn’t look so hot himself. He didn’t react, he just shook his head. What happened between you two Sher? I haven’t seen him look so down since…”

“Since when?” Sheridan asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Nevermind.” Ethan said wrapping his arm around her shoulders and steering her out of the park and back toward the lobster shack. “It doesn’t matter. “

Yes it does, she wanted to scream. But deep down she knew Ethan was right. It didn’t matter because in four days she was going to leave Harmony and she would never see Luis again. She closed her eyes as the pain slowly worked its way into her heart. She might be leaving on Sunday but she knew she was taking a part of Luis with her. She also knew she was leaving a part of herself behind… a part of herself that she had never known existed until the day she met him. Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald had given her something for which she could never repay – he had given her a glimpse into the kind of woman she wanted to be and for that she would always be grateful.

Chapter Twenty – Three

Luis walked into his apartment and flipped the switch on the wall just inside the door. Light immediately illuminated the room, but Luis didn’t notice. All he saw was the blank look in Sheridan’s eyes as he told her he cared about her. His confession hadn’t phased her in the least. He didn’t know why he was surprised really. She had never given him any reason to think her feelings went any deeper than just wanting to have a good time. No, he amended, she had wanted to have fun. Wasn’t that what she said she had come to Harmony for? She wanted to have some fun.

Fun, he thought bitterly, that was all he had wanted at first too. But then somehow he’d started to care about her and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to turn the feelings off. They had started even before he’d slept with her. Hell, Ethan had seen it before he did. He’d called him on it the night of the pool party when he had blown up at seeing her talking to Josh. Luis had never answered him because at the time, he hadn’t even realized it was true. In fact, he didn’t know that what he felt for Sheridan was more until they had spent the night together. That was the moment he knew he felt more… that he wanted more than just to have a good time. He hadn’t had time to tell her though because Ethan and Theresa had showed up. After that was when everything started to go downhill. They had managed to talk a bit after Ethan and Theresa left. She’d told him that Princess Sheridan story. But they hadn’t had time to talk about what happened between them because Ethan had called and told them her parents were in town.

Luis cursed as the events started to replay in his head then realizing he was still standing in the doorway, he slammed the door shut, turned, and walked into the kitchen to grab himself a beer. He knew the beer wouldn’t help anything, but he was hoping it would help dull the pain in his chest. He couldn’t remember ever feeling as bad as he was feeling right now. Not even catching Beth with Josh had hurt this much, he thought. Nothing had ever hurt this much. It was as if someone had taken a dull knife and cut him, leaving an open unhealable wound in its wake.

Luis shook his head then took a sip of his beer and leaned back against the couch. He couldn’t seem to get her face out of his head. Four days. She was leaving in four days and there was nothing he could do about it. He’d told her he cared for her and she hadn’t so much as blinked after he’d stated the words. His brother Antonio and his sister Theresa would say that he’d gotten what he deserved. After two years of avoiding getting serious with any one woman, he’d finally met his match. Why the hell did he have to go fall in love with a woman that was more relationship shy than he was?

He knew his reasons for avoiding getting seriously involved with anyone. They seemed from getting burned. But what were her reasons? He remembered her saying she had recently broken up with a guy she had been with for… two years?…, but her tone had held no trace of pain so he had assumed it had been her choice to end things. Then again there were times - like tonight - when he saw this wounded bird look in her eyes… a wounded look that said someone had broken her heart. He knew that look, he’d seen it many times before, particularly after he had caught Beth and Josh in bed together, but what had put that look in Sheridan’s eyes?

She acted so strong as if nothing ever got to her, but tonight he’d seen her break down. He’d held her in his arms as she’d cried in pain. What had caused those tears? Her leaving? Or something else?

“Dammit.” Luis said sitting up and slamming his beer on the coffee table in front of him. He had to get her out of his mind. She was leaving and no amount of wishing was going to change it. He would just have to forget about her. Surely, the pain he was feeling now wouldn’t stay with him forever? He would get over her eventually. Wouldn’t he?

* * * * *

Sheridan dragged herself up to her bedroom and collapsed onto the queen-size bed – her emotions drained. She had cried more tears tonight than she had ever cried before. When she had seen Luis sitting at a table inside The Lobster Shack, the reality of what she had agreed to earlier in the week had hit her full force. She didn’t want to leave Harmony, but there was no way she could stay. It would cause Luis and his father way too much trouble. No, it was better for them if she left. But how could she leave without telling Luis how much he meant to her?

He had admitted he cared for her and she allowed him to think that she didn’t care for him. She had thought of nothing else since he had walked away from her at the park and now she was regretting letting him go without at least telling him that their night together had meant more to her than just a night of hot sex. It had meant so much more. She didn’t have to tell him exactly how much more… she just had to tell him it meant something. She didn’t want to leave him with that hurt look in his eyes. She didn’t want that to be the last memory she had of him.

She slowly scooted backward off the bed then turned and walked toward the window at her left. She looked out at the pool below and remembered the first time she met Luis when he had dove into the pool and drenched her with water. He had been cocky and arrogant, but at the same time he had a playfulness that disarmed her anger before it had even risen to the surface. She could still see the beads of water that clung to the side of his face and his muscular chest. The man had the hottest body, but she knew that isn’t what made her like him so much. It had nothing to do with his looks. It had to do with the person he was.

Theresa had warned her about Luis being more than just a playboy. She had said that he had a heart of gold and after tonight Sheridan had to agree with her. She had seen a side to him tonight that she hadn’t wanted to see. His caring side. He cared for her. He’d told her he did and she couldn’t forget the emotions those four words caused within her. I care about you. The moment he said them her heart had down about a thousand back flips inside her chest. That was when she knew that she cared for him too. But she hadn’t been able to tell him. She’d frozen with the realization that he had gotten to her. She swore, after her breakup with Mike, that she wouldn’t get involved with anyone again, but that was before she met Luis. One look at him and she had known. She had known that he was the man that was going to change her life - and he had. More than he would ever know.

Sheridan sighed and moved away from the window, knowing what she wanted to do yet still not sure she had the courage to do it. Luis had done so much for her over the past two weeks and all she had done was constantly cause him problems. And tonight she had hurt him. She knew she had because she’d seen it in his eyes. She’d seen the quiet pain that she was sure he never let anyone see and it had split her heart in two. But how could she fix it? She was leaving in four days and she had no doubt that her father would be watching her to make sure she didn’t go to him. Still she had to see him. She had to talk to him and explain things. He deserved that much. He deserved to know that he wasn’t alone in his feelings. He deserved to know that those same feelings ran through her body as well. But how could she tell him? How could she sneak out without her father seeing her? She knew without a doubt in her mind that if she snuck downstairs in the middle of the night, he would be waiting for her. And if he was, it would cause even more problems than she already had to deal with.

But she had to see Luis. Just one last time. She had to see him and tell him what she felt for him. She had to because if she didn’t, it would eat at her for the rest of her life and she couldn’t bare that kind of torture.

Sheridan walked toward the nightstand at the side of her bed and pulled the phonebook out of the top drawer. After finding the number she wanted, she picked up the phone and dialed. “Yes, I need a cab. 1275 Harmony Oak Drive. It’s the Crane Residence. I’ll be waiting at the end of the driveway. I’m going to Harmony Heights Apartments on Bryant Avenue. Okay, thank you.”

She hung up the phone, placed the phone book back into the drawer, shut it, then turned and walked toward the door. She opened it slowly, listening for any sign that someone was awake, and upon hearing none she quietly made her way out of the room and down the backstairs. She listened at the door to the kitchen and when all she heard was silence, she turned the doorknob and entered. Then froze when she saw that she wasn’t alone.

“Sheridan,” Her mother’s asked as she lowered the cup in her hand. “What are you doing down here? It’s almost,” she stopped and glanced at the black and white clock on the wall. “One-thirty.”

“I… I –“

“You were going to sneak out, weren’t you?”

Sheridan gulped unsure how to answer that. Her mother had seemed to be on her side where Luis was concerned, but she couldn’t be positive she would let her out to see Luis tonight. It would be going against her father’s wishes and her mother had never done that before.

“Mom,” she said walking further into the kitchen and stopping just in front of the table. She was going to be honest with her mother. Right now, she really had nothing to lose. “I have to see him. I hurt him tonight. I made him think I didn’t care about him and I need to go explain that I do.”

Her mother nodded. “I knew something had happened tonight. When you and Ethan came back, you seemed upset, but I didn’t want to press the issue because of your father. I had distracted him when I saw Luis get up from the table so he didn’t know that he went after you. You know your father would have a fit if he knew you had talked with him tonight.”

“I know, mom.”

“But you plan to sneak off to see him again? He must be very important to you to risk your father’s temper. Do you love him?”

Her mother had said something similar the other day and Sheridan had denied it. But she couldn’t deny it now, not without feeling as if she was lying. So instead of falsely denying it, she answered honestly. “I don’t know. I care about him. More than I’ve ever cared about anyone before. I’ve never felt what I feel for him for anyone else and it scares me, but at the same time it makes me feel like… like I’ve got the world in the palm of my hands. Tonight after I left the restaurant and Luis came after me, we talked and he told me he cared about me and he asked me not to leave. I didn’t answer him and he walked away. That’s when I felt as if the world had just slipped right through my fingers. I didn’t like the feeling mom. It hurt. It hurt so much.”

“Then you need to go to him.” Her mother said getting up from her seat at the table and walking toward her. She wrapped her arms around her and Sheridan had never felt so happy in all of her life. “Go to him and explain how you feel. If he means that much to you then you must be honest with him Sheridan.”

“Thank you!” Sheridan whispered as a tear made its way down her cheek. “Thank you for understanding why I need to go.”

“I do. More than you know. Now go.” She said releasing her and almost pushing her toward the back door. “Before your father comes down and sees you.”

“Okay, I love you mom.” Sheridan said right before she opened the door and walked out into the cool night air. She practically ran to the end of the driveway and couldn’t contain her relief at seeing that the cab was already there waiting on her. The moment she got in the cab she knew she was doing the right thing in going to see Luis. She only hoped he didn’t turn her away. She had no idea what she would do if he did.

Chapter Twenty - Four

Luis had just closed his eyes when he heard the knock at the door. He wasn’t in the mood to see anyone right now. He wanted to wallow in his pity a little while longer. Besides, he thought opening his eyes to try and focus on the blue numbers illuminating from the VCR in front of him, who the hell would be knocking on his apartment door at two-fifteen in the morning? The only person who had ever dared to come by so late without calling first was Miguel and he’d only done it that once, the night he’d had his first heartbreak.

He forced himself to move out of his comfortable place on the couch then walk toward the door. The second he pulled it open, he knew he’d only been dreaming of the knock. Because there was absolutely no way Sheridan was standing on his doorstep still wearing that short blue dress that had wrecked havoc on his insides when she’d stepped inside the Lobster Shack earlier. No way at all. Unless of course, she’d come for the night of hot sex, they’d talked about earlier. He shook his head not willing to put anything past her.

“Luis?” She asked, uncertainly clouding her voice and making her seem almost… vulnerable. Ha, he thought narrowing his eyes in suspicion, Sheridan Crane didn’t do vulnerable. She kept her emotions too in check for that.

“What do you want, Sher?” He said unable to keep the anger and bitterness out of his voice. It didn’t help that the alcohol he’d consumed tonight had muttled his ability to think either. “I thought we said all we needed to say earlier.”

She took a deep breath then peered around him into the living room of his apartment. “Can I come in? I don’t want to wake your neighbors.”

He cursed realizing she was right and opened the door wide enough so that she could enter then slammed it shut behind her and leaned against it with his arms crossed over his chest. He watched through narrowed eyes as she glanced around the room. Trying to avoid looking at him, he supposed. His eyes followed hers around the room and when they landed on the beer bottles cluttering his coffee table, the reason for his fogged out brain came rushing back to him with the force of a Mac truck.

“Why don’t you state what you came to say?” He said pushing away from the door and walking toward the coffee table to grab his half-full bottle of beer. He turned to look at Sher and saw her eyes widen as they saw the beer bottles on the coffee table. When she raised them back to his, her eyes were full of questions and even more uncertainty than was in them before. He would have laughed had he been in a laughing mood. He raised the bottle to his lips and took a sip all the while never taking his eyes off hers. Once he was done, he lowered himself back to the couch and propped his feet up onto the coffee table. He figured he might as well get comfortable since she didn’t seem to be in any hurry to state the reason for her late night visit.

When she still didn’t say anything, he leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes then once again tried to get her out of his head. But then she spoke, soft and low, her voice barely above a whisper, and he knew getting her out of his mind was going to be a major feat, one that he would probably never accomplish.

“I’m sorry.”

He raised his head and opened his eyes then locked them onto his. “Is that all you came to say? If it is I’m really not interested. What the hell does it matter anyway? You’re leaving Sunday. I’m not sure there is anything left to say other than goodbye and I was almost positive your silence earlier said that loud and clear.”

He watched as she parted her lips in a silent o and wondered if maybe his anger had made his words a little too harsh. He went back over his words in his head, they were foggy, but he was pretty sure they were right on target. He’d told her he cared for her and that he didn’t want her to go. Her answer? Complete and utter silence, except for the look in her eyes, that look had told him all he needed to know, more than he wanted to know actually. It was the look that said he’d been a fool to think what happened between them was more than what they had agreed to – just a night of hot sex. He clenched his jaw as her voice saying those very same words played in his head and he knew his eyes reflected his anger at hearing them as well. He could tell that by the way she clutched her stomach and lowered her head.

“You’re still angry.” She said her voice full of what sounded like defeat. “I… This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here.”

She turned and started to walk back toward the door. Something inside him said to stop her, so he did – with his voice. “Maybe your coming here was a mistake, but you’re here now so you may as well tell me why.”

Her shaking hand hovered a scant inch above the doorknob and he wondered if she was really going to leave. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the couch. He wasn’t going to say anything else. If she left it would be her decision not his. He felt the couch shift underneath her weight, but he refused to open his eyes just yet. He wasn’t sure he could handle seeing her looking at him with those blue eyes right now. He wanted to be angry with her – and he was – but if he looked at her again, his anger might fade and he did not want to deal with what was underneath the anger. He wasn’t ready to face that just yet.

Her slender hand touched his arm, but he gave no reaction. He refused to react to her touch tonight. He wasn’t going to give her an inch. If she wanted to make amends then she was going to have to work for it because he’d laid his cards on the table earlier tonight and he wasn’t about to give her another chance to break his heart. He couldn’t take it a second time.

“Please look at me.” She whispered. “Please Luis. I have something I want to tell you and I need to know you’re listening to me.”

“I’m listening.” He said opening his eyes and staring into hers. “I’m just not sure what I’m listening for. I thought –“

“I know what you thought.” She said interrupting him in a voice filled with quiet determination. “But you made a mistake in your assumption and I came to correct it.”

He regarded her for a moment and when he saw the seriousness in her eyes, he lowered his feet back to the floor and raised himself up into a sitting position willing for the moment to hear her out. Even in his fogged out drunken brain, he understood the implication in her words. She was about to open up to him and there was no way in hell he was going to miss hearing one word of it, not one single word.

“I – god this is harder than I thought.” She said running a hand through her short blond curls. His eyes followed the movement briefly, but then he forced them back to her face… to her eyes. He waited for her to go on. Something told him now was not the time to interrupt her. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told what to do, what to wear, who to like, who not to like. It’s been that way my whole life. I wore the clothes my mother picked out. I dated the guys my father picked. I did exactly as I was told. About three years ago, my father introduced me to a guy he wanted me to get involved with. He was friends with Mike’s father and they both wanted us to get together. In the social set my parents run with, it would have been the talk of the town and it was for nearly two years. The longer my relationship with Mike went on, the more of myself I started to lose. Instead of my parents, telling me what to wear, what to do, it was Mike and I let him.”

“I let him control me just as I had my parents and I resented him for it. I resented them all for it. One night when Mike was supposed to be out of town, I went out with a friend of mine. We went to a nightclub and I ran into Mike. He was kissing some other girl and it wasn’t a peck on the cheek either. When he saw me, he didn’t even try to deny what had happened. He just yelled at me for going to the club and not staying home where I should have been since I was too innocent to be in a place like that. He made me so damn angry that I slapped him and told him it was over. He stared at me in shock because I had never voiced my opinion on anything before. Doing so that night I guess liberated me though.”

She took a deep breath then continued on. “I got home and my father went ballistic that I had broken things off with Mike. He ordered me to call him and tell him I had made a mistake in breaking up with him. I was to beg him to forgive me. I refused and my father didn’t speak to me for two weeks. And once he did it was to tell me that I couldn’t go visit Ethan like I had been planning to do. Because I was tired of doing what everyone told me to do, I told him he couldn’t stop me, that I was going and that was all there was to it. He didn’t say anything else to me until right before I left. He told me to spend the summer with Ethan and when I came back he expected me to try and make up with Mike. I told him it wouldn’t happen, but he seemed to think it would. He would have been right had I not…”

“Had you not what? “ He asked when she didn’t go on.

She swallowed hard and he was surprised when her eyes filled with tears. “Had I not met you.”

“What are you saying?” He asked refusing to let his heart jump to conclusions. He wanted to make sure he understood what she meant before he made a comment about it.

“I mean that… Luis, I…” She closed her eyes briefly and when she opened them again and spoke, his heart stopped beating. “It meant more to me than just a night of hot sex. You mean more to me than that. I… I care about you too, Luis. More than I wanted to. More than I planned to. But the fact is I do.”

He let out a breath that he hadn’t been aware he was even holding then reached for her and pulled her into his arms. She came willingly, her hands resting on his chest. He searched her eyes and he saw no doubts in what she was saying at all. She meant every word she had said and he had never been so glad to hear anything in his life. The only thing that could have made it better was if she said she loved him. He figured that was a little too much to hope for, but he planned to work on it. Except she was leaving in three days. No, he thought shaking his head, there was no way she would leave now. Would she?

“Sheridan?” He asked in an uncharacteristically nervous tone. “Does this mean… does this mean you’re going to stay in Harmony?”

He saw the surprise in her eyes and when she spoke she dashed all the hope she had just given him and then some. “No.” She whispered closing her eyes. “I’m still leaving.”

He should have known, he thought releasing her and getting up off the couch. She had once again managed to do the impossible. Something no one else had ever done to him before. She’d managed to break his heart twice in one night.

Chapter Twenty – Five

Sheridan saw the hurt in Luis eyes as he pulled away from her and walked to stand in front of the entertainment center he had set up on the other side of the room. Now that he wasn’t so close to her, she felt cold and almost… empty that’s what she felt, empty, and she knew it was her own damn fault. She was leaving in three days and while making sure Luis knew she cared about him that he wasn’t alone in how he felt had seemed like a good idea in theory, she now knew it had only ended up making things worse. She should have listened to her head instead of following her heart. If she had maybe her heart wouldn’t be hurting so much right now.

“Well,” Luis said interrupting her thoughts. His brown eyes searched hers then he gave a small forced smile. “I guess there’s only one thing left to say then.”

Goodbye. The word hung in the air between them, looming like a large thundercloud, and she wasn’t at all sure she had the strength say it aloud. Judging from the way Luis averted his eyes, she assumed he didn’t have the strength either. How had things gone so bad so fast? If she hadn’t been so brazen in her pursuit of him maybe things would have… No, she thought mentally shaking herself, there were no maybes in this situation. What was done was done and she had to live with the consequences. But leaving Luis was… it was… it wasn’t fair.

“You’re right.” She said finally forcing herself to speak. He nodded, but didn’t say anything. She figured he wasn’t sure what to say and since she had no idea how to say the words either, she simply got up off the couch and walked toward the door. She reached for the knob figuring it would be easier for her to say goodbye to him if she were already outside his apartment. The walls inside were starting to close in on her and the tension in the room was just way too high for her to deal with right now. She started to turn the knob, but froze when Luis walked up behind her, pressed his body up against her backside, and slid his hand down the length of her arm to cover her own. He slowly flexed his fingers over hers then gently removed her hand from the knob and turned her around to face him. The look in her eyes held more emotion than she had ever seen before and that combined with the proximity of his body to hers made her insides jump to life again.

He released her hand then raised his to lightly caress her cheek. The roughness of his palm against her cheek caused a thousand delicious sensations to run through her body all at the same time. “Luis?” She asked searching his eyes.

“Shh,” He said lowering his head toward hers. “I don’t want you go, Sher. Instead, I want to give you a reason to stay.”

Luis’ lips descended upon hers and she didn’t fight him. She didn’t fight him because she wanted him too. His mouth briefly left hers as he quickly bent down and scooped her up into his arms. Once she was settled against his chest, she looped her arms around his neck and covered his lips with hers. She knew tonight would be different than what they shared before. Tonight they would share more than just their bodies. Tonight they would share their hearts as well.

But could she allow that to happen? If she slept with Luis again would she still be able to say goodbye the way she knew she had to do? Her head said to stop it before things went further, but her heart?… her heart said to stay. She chose to listen to her heart and prayed she wasn’t making yet another mistake. She had made more than her share of those already.

* * * * *

Luis knew he was playing with fire, but he figured if he showed her how much he cared for her… how much he loved her then maybe he would have a better chance at convincing her to stay. He sure as hell hoped that was the case anyway. Maybe it was the booze making him lose his head or maybe it was her… all he knew for sure was that he did not want to say goodbye to her. He wasn’t going to give up without a fight. Not until he had tried everything he could to change her mind.

“Sheridan.” Luis whispered pulling his mouth from hers and lowering her feet to the beige carpet that covered his bedroom floor. She still had her arms looped around his neck and he was in no hurry to move them. “I -”

“Shh,” She said covering his lips with the index finger of her right hand. “Make love to me, Luis. We can talk tomorrow. Tonight just… just love me.”

Just love me. He wanted to tell her he already did, but he knew she wasn’t ready to hear the words yet. Maybe someday she would be, but tonight… tonight he would just have to show her instead. Having decided that he broke out into wide smile. “It would be my pleasure, Ms. Crane.”

“Oh no, Luis.” She said removing her hand from his neck and bringing it to the edge of his shirt. She pulled it over his head then gave him a seductive grin that was all Sher. “The pleasure is all mine.”

He laughed then pulled her up against his chest and placed a kiss against her lips. “You’re amazing, do you know that?”

“I have been told that a time or two, but… I happen to know someone who is more amazing and he also has the most exquisite body I have ever seen.”

“Oh yeah?” He said as he reached his arms behind her back and slowly pulled down the zipper. The sound vibrated throughout the room and as the zipper came to a stop just above her buttocks, he looked into her eyes and grinned. “Anyone I know?”

“I think you might.” She said as she slowly stepped back away from him and let the dress fall to her feet. “But you know he’s entirely too overdressed at the moment.”

“Oh?” He asked raising a brow at her in all seriousness. He refused to react to seeing her standing before him in only a skimpy navy blue bra and panty set. He liked this side of her entirely too much to ruin it by getting a little over zealous. “Would you liked to remedy that situation?”

She cocked her head to the side and pretended to think about that for a moment then a second later broke out into a breathtakingly beautiful smile. “You know I think I would. In fact, I know I would.”

He stood completely still as she took a step toward him and her hands reached for the small silver buckle at his waist. She never took her eyes off his as she slowly undid the buckle and slowly, too slowly in his opinion pulled the belt from his waist then tossed it to the floor along with her dress and his shirt. Her hands, steadier than they had been earlier tonight, reached for the snap of his pants and as she popped them open, he wondered just who was showing whom what. He figured it didn’t matter because tonight he knew he wasn’t alone in his thinking this was more than just sex. Tonight Sher was right there beside him and he planned to make damn sure she stayed there.

She slowly eased the zipper of his black pants down and as the material parted, he knew what her intention was long before her small hand closed over him. He sucked in a deep breath as she began to stroke him and he wondered if he would survive the slow sweet torture she was causing to course through his veins.

Unable to keep his hands to himself any longer, he pulled her to him and covered her lips with his. She parted them immediately and he took advantaged and slipped his tongue inside, more than ready to taste her again. She moaned as his tongue invaded her mouth and he groaned as her free hand slowly slid his pants down his legs while her other hand caused his brain to short circuit. He kicked his pants free then took a step forward, causing her to take a step backward. Her knees hit the bed and he wasn’t at all surprised when she turned them and pushed him backward onto the mattress. She smiled as she slowly and seductively unhooked her bra, letting it drop to the floor beside the bed. She quickly stepped out of her panties then with a devilish twinkle in her eye, she placed her hands at the top edge of his underwear. He lifted a brow in challenge then smiled as she tried to tug them down over his hips. He lifted his hips in an effort to help her and couldn’t help but laugh at the triumphant smile that lit her face when she finally pulled them free and threw them over her shoulder.

“Now,” She said leaning over him and walking her fingers up his chest. “We’re even.”

“Not quite.” He said pulling her down onto his chest and quickly turning them so he was now the one on top. “But I’m willing to negotiate if you are.”

“Oh I am.” She said smoothing her hands over his shoulders and down the length of his arms to rest at his elbows. “In fact, I think you’ll find I’m very agreeable.”

Luis looked down into her sparkling blue eyes and felt his heart constrict in his chest. He loved her and it was time he showed her just how much. He lowered his head toward hers and gently brushed his lips against her lips. Sher had other ideas. Evidently she didn’t want a gentle kiss, because the next thing he knew she was parting his lips with her tongue and driving him crazy with desire.

He brought a hand up to cup her breasts and couldn’t contain his smile at her small groan of approval. Her nipples were already hard and he couldn’t wait to taste them again. He pulled his lips from hers then with a grin and a wink, he lowered himself so that he could take her nipple into his mouth. But first he decided to torment her the way she had tormented him earlier. He swirled his tongue around her nipple and couldn’t help the satisfaction that coursed through his body as she started to writhe beneath him. When he couldn’t help himself any longer, he closed his mouth over her hardened bud and gently nicked it with his teeth. She arched off the bed instantly and moaned his name toward the ceiling. The sound was music to his ears and made him want to see what other responses he could elicit from her tonight. He planned to make it a night, she never forgot and if she still chose to leave… well he was going to make damn sure she left with the knowledge that he loved her and had shown her in a thousand and one different ways.

After he gave her other breast the same attention he’d given the first, Luis decided to turn his attention to other areas. He slid a hand down her arms and over the swell of her hips to the juncture at her thighs. He heard her quick intake of breath as he cupped her intimately. She was hot and wet and slick, and he knew if he wanted to, he could take her now and she wouldn’t mind a bit. But he would. He wanted to show her the difference between making love and merely having sex. He wanted to show her what the words making love really meant. The first time they were together they were too hot for each other and too stubborn to admit it went beyond what they said they wanted. But this time... this time they both knew that their emotions were involved and because of that, the connection between their bodies and their hearts was ten times stronger.

Sheridan arched her hips up against his hand, signaling she wanted more, and Luis moaned, then slipped a finger inside her, more than ready to start the sweet torture that would soon surround them both. She knotted his white bed sheet in her fists as his finger slowly and methodically began to move inside her. He knew it wouldn’t take much to send her over the edge. The thought made him dizzy with desire and aching with need.

“Luis!” She yelled as she started to climb the peak of desire. “I can’t… please! I don’t want to... I don’t want to go without you.”

He froze as her words seeped into his brain. I don’t want to go without you. Together. The word stuck in his brain and he knew that was what he wanted to more than anything in the world, he wanted them to be together. Tonight, at least, he could make it happen. He’d worry about tomorrow later. He removed his hand from between her legs then reached over to the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a condom. After he protected them, he settled himself between her legs, the tip of his shaft teasing her center. “Sher,” he said taking her chin in his hand and forcing her to look at him. “This isn’t just sex to me.”

“I know.” She whispered raising a hand to caress his cheek. “It isn’t to me either.”

He searched her eyes for a moment then once he saw the truth, he nodded and slowly eased himself inside her. The joining of his body with hers was more significant this time than it had been the first night they were together. Tonight they were joining more than just their bodies... tonight they were joining their hearts… their souls and as far as he was concerned… it was for forever.

Sheridan began to move underneath him and he couldn’t hold himself back any longer. They rode the ride together and this time he was the one that lost control first. As the powerful climax took him, he couldn’t contain the words he’d been holding in his heart. “I love you, Sheridan.”

A second later, Sheridan was racked with her own powerful climax and he had to wonder if she even heard him say the words. If she had she certainly didn’t show it, but then as they drifted off to sleep a few moments later, he thought he heard her voice. He thought he heard her voice whisper something soft and low. Something that sounded an awful lot like, “I love you too Luis.”

A smile formed on his face and he wrapped his arms tighter around Sheridan’s body then a few heartbeats later, he was in a deep sleep. In fact, he was in such a deep, peaceful sleep that, an hour later, he never felt Sheridan move out of his embrace or heard her heartbreaking sobs as she closed the apartment door behind her when she left.

Edited by: OKDeanna at: 8/21/03 8:35 pm

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