"Immortal Love"
.. Yeah, a cheesy name, but.. it's really a pretty cheesy thing, anyways. Yeah, this is on my site, too..
Trapped in self-inflicted silence, a dying couple stares blankly out the unwashed windshield of a Volkswagen van. Neither of them know the name of the driver, and neither of them care. He has left them alone in the back seat the whole trip, huddled up. The only protection from the blistering desert cold is a flimsy blanket and a trench coat, which the boy was wearing when they were picked up. Both of them know that they're going to die soon -- they've both been attacked a strange, unnamed insect. The majority of the human race is dying as well, also the victims of the same parasites. The man driving the van may very well be infected. Neither of them care. They're in each other's arms, and that is all that matters, aside from the purple-red sunset on the horizon before them. Life won't last long for either of them.. but what will be left will be enjoyed. The parasites are all but forgotten to the teen lovers, replaced by a single sentence, the same sentence that has repeated through each of their minds the entire time they have been traveling through the desert.
After hours of silence in that damnable van, the boy finally gives voice to the thought, leaning in to whisper in his beloved's ear. "I love you, Layla."
As though nothing were wrong in the world, Layla gazes into the boy's eyes and offers a sweet smile, whispering just as softly. "I love you, too, Jak."
A soft, light kiss is exchanged before Layla's head is rested upon her boyfriend's shoulder, their attention again returning to the sunset in the distance, whose crimson glory has died down to a light pink shimmer on the horizon. The sun now gone, a black-blue velvet blanket spreads over the sky, stars twinkling like tiny diamonds within it's folds. And the van drives on, again enveloped in silence.
Yeah, everytime I post any of my writing, it's usually that story.. it's starting to get old; I need to write a new one. OH, and ignore any random HTML left-overs in there, I had to modify it so it would work on this board.. And now, The PuP shall go back away..
God of Obscurity
Posts: 70
(7/13/01 1:50 am) Reply
Re: "Immortal Love"
*stands agape for a few days* PuP.....posted....here??..... WHEEEEEEEEE!!!! *triple orgasm followed by a PuP posted on the board dance*. We Luv PuP! We Luv PuP!!!! ^_^ Please to come back soon Green Lit one ^_^.
Regards,
Cyrus
The God of Obscurity and All Things Nonsensical
Re: "Immortal Love"
I'm quite surprised you've come here also. I'm guessing it was my link I posted correct? Anyways I liked this though it did seem to missing a plot as had mine which was in some way similar to this. I've only written one so far but I plan to write a bit more once I finally get inspired a bit more. Please come back and visit us more then.
Societys Reject
"It seems so bizarre but none of this matters. Thoughts disappear, hope has died.........the truth and the lies confused as one. I can't believe in anything sacred when I don't believe in anything." -Stabbing Westward
Re: "Immortal Love"
whee!! ::hugs the PuP:: you've graced us with your presence! um... well, i've already read the story, and some of your other character intros, and i like them all, and stuff. (constructive critism? from me? hah!) but anyway, put the others up here!
Re: "Immortal Love"
dammit! this is the part where i stab myself with a spork because i'm stupid... anyway, the last comment was by me, not faeryforest girl. i somehow did not notice the fact that i was logged in on her name. i want my own computer. but yeah, i fucked up, just so y'all know.
Re: "Immortal Love"
WoW! Nope, I'm not in awe of "the PuP" I'm in awe of the talent!!! This is by far the best story we have seen! You have some real talent, and I'm sure you have a beautiful muse to help you tap into it.....keep up the writing. You're writing is the most mature I have seen posted here. You understand how to get your point across using emotion but with out abusing adjectives....after all, you have to have a cake before you can pile on icing. It's simple, clean, but absolutely wonderful!
Re: "Immortal Love"
Thanks to all of you for the too-kind compliments (And to the Enigmatician for the requested constructive criticism), but.. I don't think any of my other stuff is worthy of being posted up here. 'Specially not after putting up my personal favorite... Hopefully, though, I'll have something -worth- putting up here sometime soon.
Re: "Immortal Love"
No no no I never said you weren't good enough. I thought your story was very good. It lacked a plot though. Read mine it's the first one posted here. It resembled yours a bit and it too lacked a plot. Please by all means post your others.
Societys Reject
"It seems so bizarre but none of this matters. Thoughts disappear, hope has died.........the truth and the lies confused as one. I can't believe in anything sacred when I don't believe in anything." "Lost in a world of doubt and insecurity, nothing that you hold scared nothing you believe, life is a contradiction, while you thrive on manipulation, I fight to just hold on to what I believe, I won't become the thing I hate, I won't become the thing I hate, I won't become the thing I hate, I wont become you" -Stabbing Westward
I've become impossible, holding on to when, when everything seemed to matter more.......Well they've got to kill what we've found, Well they've got to hate what they fear" "And I descend from grace, In arms of undertow, I will take my place, In The Great Below" -Nine Inch Nails
God of Obscurity
Posts: 117
(7/20/01 6:41 pm) Reply
Re: "Immortal Love"
PuP, I find your writings to be very interesting. It allows the reader to internalize the feelings of the character. People can be overly dramatic to the n-th exponential value and still not give a shyte as to what happens to the characters. You allow the reader to step behind the eyes of the people within the story. As such please post more of your stories. If nothing else, just write a regular "column" of random insanity. I believe that may be my trademark in the near future. I'll have Cyrus' serial adventures. It'll be quite fun. Anyway, shine on you crazy diamond ^_-.
Re: "Immortal Love"
Hehe.. A column? Here? Naww.. Anyways, my Random Insanity only comes when it's ready. I couldn't quite call upon it, without it wanting me to. So.. nope on a regular collumn.
And, Enigmaticianified-one, I wasn't saying you insulted me. I'm saying that you actually did point out the ups and downs of it. I like that. It makes me believe that people have actually -thought- about what I was saying. Though I should mention that there is a plot.. That's just a tiny section out of the proluge of a much bigger book... And, seeing as I've been asked to put more up here and all... Here's another small portion. Probably from one of the earlier chapters, I suppose..
Work
By Mik Priestley
Clowns hunt you down. They hunt you down, and they want your soul. So eight soldiers beg you to take their money while they shoot these clowns down. But the clowns come back, and you have to run. You run, or the clowns will eat your fucking soul, y'hear me? You hide in a ring, and the chickens fly. Fly through the air like stuffed missles, locking onto the side of your head and seaking their target. And the tourists. The mechanical tourists. The Mecka-Tourists torment you. Hit the chicken, get a monkey, hit the chicken, get a monkey. And the monkeys come, but the Mecha-Tourists are racist. I want a white monkey; I want a brown monkey; kill all the white monkies; kill all the brown monkeys. All teh Mecha-Tourists are racist. I want a purple one; I want a pink one; I want a yellow one; I want a chartreuse one. Well, we don't have chartreuse, fuckers. And the zombie-clowns rise again, and they seak your soul; the chickens rise again, and they seak the sides of your head; the monkeys rise again, but the Racist Mecha-Tourists eat their souls and the sides of their heads.
This is not a nightmare. You are not dreaming. This is work, Las Vegas style. Welcome to hell. Don't enjoy your stay.
Mik was quite sure it sucked. As far as he was concerned, it was nothing compared to his previous works. Nothing. Horrible. A waste of space on his computer. But he saved it anyways, and the critics hailed him as a genius. First his real friends (Jak, namely.), and then the rest of his friends on the internet. Then came the literature sites, and finally, it ended up published. Five magazines; three books. And the critics went crazy.
None of them knew, though. None of them really knew at all.
Mik would go to work, sleep deprived and miserable; that was what he saw–Zombie clowns and lunatic tourists. Work in Circus Circus—little more than a giant midway with slot machines—was hell. And when he finally worked up the nerve to write about it, that's what came out. Then came The Incident. Which would shatter his hopes, dreams, and life all in one mistake. All because some foolish tourist didn't know the meaning of personal boundaries.[/i]
****
Yeah, okay, I'll admit it. Mik's a bit (ALOT) like me. He doesn't stay that way, but for now, he is. That is.. after he ceases to have my job, talk like me, act like me, smoke my brand of cigarettes, and think the exact same stuff that I do... Anyways, this sucks. ("Mik/PuP was quite sure it sucked").. But it's better if you read the rest of the stories and junk that go with it.. Right now, I've only got about.. three or four pages (AT MOST) of a book that's eventually gonna be huge. Possibly two books. Ehh.. Anyways. Love it, hate it, whatever.. Just be honest about it. PuP Digs Honesty.
Xx Demoness xX Goddess of Politically Incorrect Things Gets a Two Line Title She's Special ^_^
Posts: 148
(7/28/01 9:37 am) Reply
Re: "Immortal Love"
Wow... I this was great! When I began to read it, it was just disturbing and didn't make sense. But then at the end it kind of fit together. I like the irony of him thinking its shit and the critics loving it. I want to read more!! ^_^
"All that is gold does not glitter. Nor all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien
"She wears a coat of color, Loved by some, feared by others, She's immortalized in young men's eyes"-Creed
Re: "Immortal Love"
well you've already heard my opinion of it... post the bit about the incident! and don't kill anyone at work.
"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."
Cyrusy2k One Monstrously Fantastic Guy Fucking A Landslide A Strangling Necktie Prophet of Nonsense He Likes to Burn Things He Cuts Things With Safety Scizzors Known to Use Tissues Spends too Long in the Shower with his little buddy
Posts: 182
(7/28/01 1:22 pm) Reply
Re: "Immortal Love"
You see, after having both read and seen Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at the point where the two protagonists enter the Circus Circus high on Ether(sp?) this fits perfectly. You have coloured exactly the reason why I could never go to Vegas. Which reminds me, my one friend is touting how cheap land is out there... To which I have to constantly remind him that IT'S ALL FUCKING DESERT!!!! He doesn't learn. I'll just have to hock my old sandbox to him. He'll stay happy.
Regards,
Cyrus
The God of Obscurity and All Things Nonsensical
Re: "Immortal Love"
Oh, I don't remember that movie very well, but I know that that's exactly how I saw it my first week.
:.:Goes backwards answering comments.:.: Oh, I'm tempted to put up the Incident one.. But.. I need to work up to it, y'know? See if everyone digs my other stuff 'fore I spring that on 'em. And you don't need to worry 'bout me killing anyone at work...
I got fired last night.
But! hey! I'm not whining here! Here, I'm going to toot my own horn, pretend to be a good writer, and bask in the affection! Whoo!
I see a little sillhouette-ah of a plot..
Oh yeah, and...
*****
Of "The Pack," Mik was the first to see the Parasites in effect. He didn't know it at the time, but it was. And, not surprisingly, he was at work; during that period, if he was awake, it was most likely that he was at work.
On this particular day, Jak had been late. And so, Mik had patiently waited, sitting high atop a brick wall, smoking a cigarette, and staring blankly at the Hotel that would eventually eat his soul. If he let it.
He didn't think he would. No way in hell. I'm too strong for this shit, he'd often tell himself (and was, mentally, telling himself on this particular occasion.) I'm too strong, and life has good shit in store for me. I'm going to stay here 'till I get enough money. Then, I'm gonna quit, spit in James' eye, and just walk out. And that'll be the end of it. The end. I'm gonna be a writer some day. I'm gonna be bigger than Anne Rice and Stephen King put together. I'm gonna be the motherfucking GOD of writing, y'hear me? Do you fucking hear me, you ugly chunk of glass and cement? You're not gonna kill me. You're not going to steal my life away. You're not. I'm too strong for you, and if you had a head, I'd piss on it. The end. Fin. Don't let the proverbial door hit you on the proverbial ass on your way out.
By now, he was grinning. Passing co-workers were looking at him weird, but he didn't notice. He was staring at that building the way a matador might stare at a bull. Challenging it. Defeating it in his mind. Pissing on its non-existent head. In his own way.
Then came the crash. Somewhere around the middle of the hotel, a window shattered, and a lamp flew out. No, Mik realized. It's not flying. It's … hanging? And it was. The lamp, and the window-glass, were all hanging. Held together by some web, barely visible from this distance.
His cigarette was on the concrete now. And the ashes were flying. Not from the cigarette, but from the window—a cloud of sooty black ashes, drifting through the net and towards the sky. No fire. Just ashes. What the-- But Mik didn't finish the thought. He just stared at the hanging glass. More specifically, at the web holding the glass together.
Two minutes later, he was on the Midway, clocking in, and trying to forget. When Jak finally did get there, Mik was no longer waiting. He only saw Mik twice after that, and then the Circus Circus ate Mik's soul.
*****
Ehh.. it's not real great, but it does open up into the actual story.. which is good. That's the part that I never actually do.. I just make a few intros and ditch the whole story. It's a really bad ha--Okay, I just noticed something.. Since when am I a revered scribe? I'm not even worthy of the name Scribe, yet alone REVERED scribe.. Scribbler, sure, but not Scribe.. It just sounds too noble.. Edited by: Green Light Special at: 7/29/01 8:21:35 am
Cyrusy2k A Fucking Moral Giant Has Magnets High Priest of the EGM God of Obscurity Lord of Nonsense Lightweight Czar Special Church Lady
Posts: 188
(7/30/01 1:29 am) Reply
Re: I see a little sillhouette-ah of a plot..
Will you do the fandango?
Nice story. You really should read some of the writings of Hunter S. Thompson, I think you could relate quite a bit. He has more political significance to his work, but the imagery is similar. By the way, in case you have yet to notice you are noble ^_-. Failing that I think you are and what I say goes so NYAAA! :-p
Regards,
Cyrus
The God of Obscurity and All Things Nonsensical
Re: "Immortal Love"
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